The Flaming of My Immortal
by Liza MMX
Summary: The title is self-explanatory.
1. Chapters 1 through 4

A/N: I'll _attempt_ this. It may be removed.

On a side-note: I've had to damn near kill my Spell Checker out of mercy, and currently wish that someone would do the same to me. I also am curious as to how the hell I came to be so damn masochistic. Regardless, I trudge onward. By the way: I'll do this 4 chapters at a time.

**Chapter 1.******

**AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!****  
**

Oh, God! The actual story hasn't even begun yet and already I'm considering bashing my own brains in! Yes, MCR (My Chemical Romance, for those not familiar with the abbreviation) does _rock_ but was there any real point to add this? And if she loves this 'Justin' (who I really don't believe exists) so much, why is her life so depressing?**  
******

**Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **

This has too many punctuation errors to even begin to correct. She obviously doesn't know what a comma (that's the , button Tara!) or a period (the . button) looks like.

Moving on, I've had quite a few OC's with two middle names, but three is just outrageous. Especially when one of the middle names can be considered a synonym for the first name (to paraphrase, 'raven' and 'ebony' are both terms for black)

I, of all people, can see describing the hair, but _not_ in this much detail.

What the fuck are "limpid tears"? And why couldn't she leave it at "ice blue eyes"? PICK ONE!

**and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **

I think Amy Lee should sue.

Who, by the way, doesn't know of Amy Lee? I knew who she was even when I didn't (to me the previous sentence half makes complete and utter sense) because of the song "Bring Me to Life".

And why should the people who don't know who Amy Lee is "get da hell out of here!"? Granted every sane person has possibly left anyway and the only sane people left should take the following advice: *clears throat* EVEN IF YOU KNOW WHO AMY LEE IS, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL YOU FIND HOLY RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE!

Why do I have a strange feeling that many did not just heed afore mentioned advice and have stuck around just to watch me suffer?

(For some reason unknown to me, I feel the urge to sing the hallelujah chorus because she's used a period properly)

**I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **

STOP. JUST STOP. I find Gerard just as hot as the next person, but wishing for an incestual (I just completely made that word up) relationship with him?

Really?

Is that the way things are done in her family?

Because I'm beginning to believe that her parents were brother and sister and her uncle and aunt are also her grandparents. How that's possible, I don't know, but I'd rather not dwell on it for possibility of not only mental scarring, but also actually figuring it out.

**I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **

As opposed to the entire Cullen family's teeth being all yellow, crooked, and all around disgusting.

**I have pale white skin. **

Now not only is she reiterating her adjectives, she feels the need to inform us that all vampires but her are all tan and light brown.

**I'm also a witch, **

Horrible wording for such a short portion of a sentence.

**and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). **

I have no words.

**I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **

Not really, because all you've done so far is go on about how your hair looks, how you're a vampire (I bet you sparkle!), how you look like Amy Lee, and how you wish to have an incestual relationship with Gerard Way. If that isn't the definition of a poser, I don't know what is!

**and I wear mostly black.**

And the point? I wear mostly black too, but I'm not a goth. I'm just a Liza!

**I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **

I hope she know that one of the prep stores [I can't remember if it's American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, or Aeropostle (no clue how to spell the last one)] has bought out Hot Topic.

**For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **

What the-does the corset even exist?

And I thought Hogwarts had a uniform thingie!

And if she's so damned pale then WHY for the love of every god of every religion does she need white foundation?

Does white foundation exist?

Has someone told Heath Ledger's Joker of this?

Maybe his grease paint won't crack so easily.

*cringe* Strike the last two comments. I'm most defiantly going to have nightmares tonight because just as I was typing that I got the mental image of the bank heist in 'The Dark Knight' where he randomly pulls out a compact to re-apply his make-up.

**I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. **

She was happy there wasn't any sun during, what I'm supposing is daylight.

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

**A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.**

Relevance?

Anyone?

She has yet to explain her definition of a prep. I know that there are several, seeing as every stereotype is based on opinions.

And everyone knows that opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one.****

**"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!****  
**

How is that in anyway suspenseful?

******"What's up Draco?" I asked.******

**"Nothing." he said shyly.****  
**

Since when is Malfoy shy?

******But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.****  
**

Full of information, that one.

************

**AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!****  
**

On to the second chapter. *wimpers*

******Chapter 2.******

**AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!****  
**So preps are people who flame her story?

The world must be full of preps.

That's almost as horrifying as her grammar. Almost.

Then again, Satan himself would probably be terrified by her grammar.**  
**********

**The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **

As opposed to, where exactly?

**It was snowing and raining again. **

At least she has one thing consistent.

**I opened the door of my coffin **

*facepalms*

**and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **

Which I'm supposing is refilled extremely frequently, seeing as otherwise, it would begin to dry.

**My coffin was black ebony **

So, wait a second. Her coffin (still a facepalm moment) was black very dense black wood?

Is she serious?

**and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **

Don't coffins usually have _satin_ lining?

And who the hell buys a coffin with _hot pink_ lining trimmed with black lace?

**I got out of my coffin **

Didn't she do this already?

**and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **

Again, lacking the comma.

I also suppose that she automatically assumes that everyone knows what the acrostic of MCR is?

**Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.**

No, just no.

**I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, **

Because preps wear clip-on earrings?

So, nearly every five year old girl I know of is a prep?

Is that possible?

**and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.****My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **

I'll say this much, if Raven is the one who corrects the grammar in this, shouldn't she already know that Willow is her character?

**woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **

Let's run through this one more time, shall we?

Willow wakes up.

She flips her ridiculously over detailed hair.

The she OPENS HER EYES! (Which are, actually detailed fairly well.)

How does a person wake up, complete an action such as flipping said person's hair, then OPEN afore mentioned person's eyes?

**She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. **

*twitch* I don't describe clothes this much in my fics.

**We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)****  
**

They share make-up?

What if one of them had pink-eye?

******"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.**

"OMFG" leads me to question whether or not she said it "Oh my fucking God" or "Oh em eff gee"****

"**Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.**

How is it possible to blush when one is a vampire?

They have no blood flow! Hence a nickname for them being "the undead"! So WHY exactly is she SLEEPING in a coffin if she's UNDEAD? ****

**"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.******

**"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.****  
**

Was it necessary to shout?

"**Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.******

**"Hi." he said.******

**"Hi." I replied flirtily.****  
**

"Flirtily" is not an actual word and hopefully it will never be.

******"Guess what." he said.******

**"What?" I asked.******

**"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.****  
**

Draco listens to Muggle music?

Wouldn't Lucius and Bellatrix-I don't know-kill him slowly? (Which, if you ask me is better than being around Tara's writing)

******"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.****  
**

While I would scream as well, I don't see the need in saying that she loves Good Charlotte, seeing as she's just screamed it.

Needless to say, her love for My Chemical Romance is apparently (in her vast wasteland of a mind) relevant to this sentence.

******"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.******

**I gasped.****  
**

Was that really gasp worthy?

******Chapter 3.******

**AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.******

********

**On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **

Does this dress even exist?

**I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **

Apparently she can totally defy logic that way.

**I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **

Going by stereotypes, isn't that emo?

I'm wondering if she bled.

If so, she can't be a vampire, because, by logic (then again, it's Tara) they wouldn't be able to hunt for their food. They can feed off of themselves.

**I read a depressing book**

Maybe it was an anthology of her writings in book form.

**while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. **

Ignoring the bleeding comment, Who reads after they've slit their wrists?

And I personally would not accomplish the feat of reading and listening to music simultaneously because I'm incredibly easily distracted.

**I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **

Why does she paint her nails every time she get's dressed? It must be crappy nail polish.

**Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **

Then WHY for the love of everything I hold dear did she put it on the last two times she got dressed?

**I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.****  
**

Because that's completely what you do before you go to any concert, and it's a complete turn-on to watch a girl drink someone's blood that's possibly contaminated with AIDS.

******I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **

How did he come to acquire said flying car is, apparently, irrelevant.

**He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), **

This is funny, because both Simple Plan and Good Charlotte are both punk bands.

**baggy black skater pants, black nail polish **

I could kind of picture Malfoy wearing this up until this point.

**and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).****  
**

By this point, trying to picture Draco Malfoy in this attire is completely hysterical and I've barred it from even coming near my brain.

And while "kewl boiz" (Is it me or is she not even trying at this point?) may wear eyeliner, I don't know why she felt the need to defend her point.

******"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.**

Since when do you end a depressed-sounding sentence with an exclamation point?****

**"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz **

How does he know what a car is to begin with? Let alone the TYPE?

**(the license plate said 666) **

*sweatdrop* Very original.

**and flew to the place with the concert. **

Because that's the "kewl" way you get to the venue of said concert in a flying car as opposed to the other way, which is totally for posers and preps.

**On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. **

Which must be a very strange mix-CD, not to mention that Draco is a Pureblood and wouldn't logically (considering this story, I don't know why I try to use logic anymore) know of things such as cars, CDs, or the bands/music artists Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Marilyn Manson, or My Chemical Romance.

**We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **

Yes, because your soooo kewl and sooo goff and sooo not full of complete and utter stupidity.

**When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **

I'm assuming there was a convertible top/sun roof and pogo sticks involved.

**We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage **

THAT'S NORMALLY WHERE THE MOSH PIT IS!

**and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.****  
**

Because jumping side to side as you tuned them out would be for posers and preps.

******"You come in cold, you're covered in blood****  
****They're all so happy you've arrived****  
****The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom****  
****She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).****  
**

Because you're obviously aren't that competent.

******"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.****  
**

Because, normally on a date, I talk about how hot some other guy is.

Also: They're in a club now?

******Suddenly Draco looked sad.******

**"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.****  
**

Smart one, ain't she?

******"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.****  
**

Riiiiiiiight. Sure you don't. You point out how the lead singer is hot and don't openly tell the guy you're on the damn date with in the first place he looks nice/how/sexy/whatever good complement _you_ can come up with (Which in my mind is: "Wow, Draco. You're looking especially suicidal today.).

I just gave her too much credit by including correct punctuation and grammar in my example.

******"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.****  
**

How do you _sensitively _put your arm around someone and be _protective_ at the same time.

******"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.**

So blondes are,apparently, ugly and bitches in her book.

If she doesn't know Joel, how does she know Hilary Duff? And how does she know she is a bitch?

******The night went on really well, and I had a great time. **

As opposed to the preps and posers who had a horrible time.

**So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. **

Because true goffs stalk their punk-rock idols in rabid fan-girl style, only all gofficker and kewler.

**We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!****  
**

Her attempt at suspense weakens my faith in the future of Hollywood.

Last chapter for the night, then I'll try tomorrow.  
**Chapter 4.******

**AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!****  
**BAH -ack- *coughing fit* She spelled her character's name wrong!**  
**********

**"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"******

**Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **

What happened to the pogo sticks I guessed was used earlier? Did Enoby suddenly decide that they're for posers and preps?

**I walked out of it too, curiously.**

How do you walk curiously?****

**"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.****  
**

Ah, cursing. The ultimate form of expressing anger.**  
**

"**Ebony?" he asked.******

**"What?" I snapped.****  
**

What a bitch, this girl.

******Draco leaned in extra-close **

As opposed to-gee, I don't know-just regular old close?

**and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **

Because everyone-Muggle-born to Pureblood-knows what contacts are.

**which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness **

Apparently, Hogwarts' contacts are incredibly informative of the wearer's many emotions.

**and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.****  
**

Because evilness and depressing sorrow (again another reiteration) can make any person forget anger immediately.

Apparently the author has no clue that when you see evil in a person's eyes you run for the hills screaming.

******And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **

Yet another failed attempt at suspense in an unnecessary time.

**Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **

How does one make out against a tree with someone apparently glomping them in the process,

**He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **

How is the bra, in any possibly way, important?

Does she not normally discard her bra before sex?

He doesn't get to see the only possible thing she has that can make her attractive to the male gender?

That's a rip.

Ebony/Enoby is a teasing whore.

**Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.**

*laughs hysterically for around 5 minutes* That is officially the WORST euphemism for sex ever!

That's an even worse euphemism than the lyrics to "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo"!****

**"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. **

Obviously faking.

Ebony, you big fat faker!

**I was beginning to get an orgasm. **

Really?

She was beginning to get an orgasm.

Not only does it sound like she's buying it in Wal-Mart, it also sounds oh so enthusiastic. (note the sarcasm)

**We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm.**

So she regained her color like those tan and light brown poser vampires we heard of earlier?

**And then….******

**"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"******

**It was….Dumbledore!****  
**

*crying from laughing hysterically* Alright! Who wants to hear Dumbledore say that? *raises hand*

A/N: Don't make Dumbledore clack a bitch! Review you motherfuckers!

But seriously, give me some feedback please.


	2. Chapters 5 through 8

A/N: I noticed that I didn't put a disclaimer on the last chapter. Please keep in mind that what is in bold isn't mine. I shudder at the thought of owning that monstrosity.

**Chapter 5.**

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!  


I give her 2 points for spelling 'ache' correctly.

I take 50 away for misspelling 'head'.**  
**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.  


Why put "he shouted" if she'd already said he was shouting angrily?

**I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **

Well, that's not healthy.

**Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.  
**

If they're both in Slytherin what is the head of Gryffindor house doing there?

**"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.  
**

O.O She spelled "sexual intercourse" correctly.

**"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.  
**

Why do I get the feeling that Tara's English teacher has called her something similar?

**"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.**

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"  


She just threw what little canon she had going off the roof of the Astronomy Tower.

**Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."  
**

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW YOU CAN GET CAUGHT HAVING SEX AT _ANY_ SCHOOL & NOT GET _ANY_ KIND OF REPROCUSSION?

**Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.**

**"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. 

Who wears heels to sleep in? Who wears a dress to sleep in for that matter?

**When I came out….  
**

You died?

**Draco was standing in front of the bathroom,**

Damn.

**and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **

That is wrong in SOOOO many ways.

**I was so flattered, **

How is the song "I Just Wanna Live" in any way flattering?

**even though he wasn't supposed to be there. **

It's the girl's dorm. Don't they have the stairs that turn into a swirly slide thingie if the guys try to go up the stairs?

**We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.  
**

*twitch*

**Chapter 6.**

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!  


Wait. In the AN of chapter 5 she said she wouldn't update unless she got 5 good reviews. AM I TO UNDERSTAND SOMEONE GAVE THIS A _GOOD_ REVIEW? The only person I can think that can give this a good review is that Raven chick who spell checks this (and Tara herself). And I'm not even sure _she_ (Raven) exists.

****

The next day I woke up in my coffin. 

We get it. You're a vampire and so goffick.

**I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.  
**

I thought you had purple streaks in it? Why spray-_paint_ it? Why _paint_ it anyway? Why not spray-_color_ it?

**In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with **

Vampires eat chocolate cereal?

**blood instead of milk,**

*facepalm* Oy vey.

**and a glass of red blood.**

Because blue, green, and purple blood is for preps and posers.

**Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. 

I wouldn't be that mean about it, but I can't blame her for being pissed.

**I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **

He still spilled blood down your front. Just because he's "hot" doesn't mean anything.

**He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. **

Ew.

**He didn't have glasses anymore **

Is there some sort of prequel to this?

**and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's **

This is just torture.

**and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **

One guess who this is, and the prequel question still stands.

**He had a manly stubble on his chin. **

Again, ew.

**He had a sexy English accent. **

Because this is in _England!_ (I don't think she knows that Hogwarts is really somewhere in Scotland, but that's neither here nor there.) We get it!

**He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **

How does that look anything like Joel Madden.

**He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection **

That is the creepiest thing I've ever heard of.

**only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.  
**

You said it, genius, not me.**  
**

"**I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.**

"**That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.**

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

Ay dios mio!

**"Why?" I exclaimed.**

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

I've never met a guy (who wasn't flamboyant) that giggles.

**"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.**

*twitch* We get it.

**"Really?" he whimpered.**

First he giggles, then he whimpers. Is he bipolar?

**"Yeah." I roared.**

I think she's bipolar too.

****

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

Please tell me that he's gonna kill her for her decimation of cannon.**  
**

**Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life**

She just _has_ to ruin the first Evanescence song I ever listened too doesn't she?****

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!  


5 good reviews? Were they from 5 retarded squirrels? Or just from masochistic trolls?

She misspelled ten? Really?

She misspelled her OC's name again too.**  
**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish 

Yet again, more useless detail.

**as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings **

How is the 'r' key anywhere close to the 's' key for her to misspell that?

**on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **

It's not a matter of what the Mary Sue wears, but how OOC she makes the canon characters act.

**I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **

Misery and depressed run along the same lines.

**I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **

Narcissistic little bitch ain't she?

**Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. **

I hope he shoots your grammar impaired ass

**We went into his room and locked the door. Then…**

More senseless suspense ensued?

**We started frenching passively **

You two must not like each other very much then.

**and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **

What amazes me is that this was spelled right and she can't spell ten to save her life.

**He felt me up before I took of my top. **

Relevance?

**Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. **

S&M anyone?

**We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)**

I have no words for how ridiculously funny that is.

**"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm **

Yet again, she makes it sound as though she's purchasing one at Wal-Mart.

**when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **

Because those magically appearing tattoos are so goffick.

**It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!  
**I totally called the senseless suspense thing! Oh yeah! Go Liza! It's your birthday! We gonna party like it's your birthday! We gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday! And, no, we don't a fuck it's not your birthday! *clears throat* Sorry about that. Back to flaming.

**I was so angry.  
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.  
**Can't say I blame her.

**"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.  
**SHE KNOWS TO MUCH GOFFICK DRACO! KILL HER! GIVE HER A PAIR OF CEMENT SHOES AND LET THE GIANT SQUID EAT HER!

**"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"  
**If he probably has AIDs, then you might have it too! He got the love with out the glove, or so it seems.

**I put on my clothes all huffily **

"huffily" doesn't have red under it. Am I to understand that's actually a word?

**and then stomped out. **

Isn't it your room?

**Draco ran out even though he was naked. **

**He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. **

Wow. Just wow.

**I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.**

Because she was to lazy to name them.****

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.  
Wait, she's willing to curse but the words "penis" and "vagina" are too taboo?

**Chapter 8.**

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!  


How does one "flass"?**  
**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked 

How he got all the way to Potions class _naked_ without getting _caught_?

**and started begging me to take him back.**

Not only is that completely out of character, when did they officially break up?****

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

How exactly do you scream sadly?****

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. 

If she has pale white skin then why was she wearing white makeup?

**Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. **

OH GOD 'MIONE! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?

**(Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )  
**

I wonder if she knows that Satanism doesn't consist of actually worshipping Satan. (I'm serious. Look it up)**  
"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.**

I can't even see Snape saying that.****

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

When was she dating Vampire?****

Everyone gasped.

I'm trying to think of the comedy movie this reminds me of, but I'm drawing a blank.****

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. 

Why did we suddenly switch to Draco's point of view?

**I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) **

For the first time in my life, I'm ashamed to be bisexual.

**for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **

I'm not against homosexuality, but I, personally, find the Draco and Harry relationship wrong in so many ways. Just like the thought of a gothic Hogwarts, or that bold right above this, or this entire fucking story.

**We were just good friends now. **

Really? Because these goffick Hogwarts students seem like the type to hold grudges.

**He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)  
**I'm confused.

**"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.**

Because the psycho bitch that is Ebony is just gonna go with that and walk away.****

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. 

When did we switch point of views again?

**I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco **

She ran into the Forbidden Forest where she lost her "sign of manliness" to Draco? That's hilarious.

**and then I started to bust into tears.**

A/N: I'm sorry that this wasn't up earlier. I've lost internet connection, due to the router my mom uses has gone screwy. I've been using my neighbors' office router and they're on vacation and have turned it off, so I've been having to send a copy of whatever to my flash drive and take said flash drive to my mom's computer and do it that way.


	3. Chapters 9 through 12

A/N: I'm in no way responsible for the bold print below. I, personally, would be embarrassed if I were. The plain print, however are my comments.

**Chapter 9.**

**AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **

She didn't read the books because you have to be literate first.

**dis is frum da movie ok **

What part of this is based from the movies?

**so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!**

**I was so mad and sad. **

*twitch*

**I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **

He'd had a relationship BEFORE you. That doesn't constitute for cheating.

**I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.**

Ew.

**Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **

You already said that.

**(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. **

Well duh!

**It was… Voldemort!  
**Because the "basically like Voldemort in the movie" didn't give it away at all.

**"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.**

Oy vey.

**"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. **

When did Hermione's cat get there?

**Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.  
**Because sadists feel remorse too.

"**Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"**

**I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.**

I will eat every pair of socks I own if a gothic version of Harry Potter looks anything like Joel Madden.

**I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?  
**THEY TOLD YOU THAT!

**"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.**

**Voldemort gave me a gun. **

Because using wands for killing is apparently outdated.

"**No! Please!" I begged.**

**"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"  
**When did Voldemort start speaking Old English?

**"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.**

**Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **

*snickers*

"**I hath telekinesis." **

I don't think she realizes that telekinesis is the ability to move objects with the mind.

**he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.**

****

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

**"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"  
**Funny, she doesn't _sound_ mad and sad.

**"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **

No.

**between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.  
**While I think both are hot, a combination would be ugly.

**"Are you okay?" I asked.**

****

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

**"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.  
**How do you accomplish that feat?

**Chapter 10.**

**AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!  
**

I wasn't aware that you could move Houses at Hogwarts.**  
**

**I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **

It sounds like an e-mail address.

**I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **

Because you're a Mary Sue.

**People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **

That is a screaming mess of nothing (and I like all three of those bands).

**The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) **

Poor Ron.

**and Hargrid. **

Apparently, he's Hagrid's evil twin.

**Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. **

Oy.

**I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too **

SINCE WHEN?

**and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **

This may just be me, but doesn't spelling it count as writing it?

**or a steak) **

So a cut of meat can kill a vampire? Cool!

**and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **

Is it really depressing? I've never seen it.

**I put on a black leather shirt **

I've never seen a leather _shirt_.

**that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.**

Riiiiiiiiight.  
**  
We were singing a cover of 'Helena' **

I thought she said that they were writing songs and not singing because Draco and Harry weren't there.

**and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.**

Wow.

**"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.  
**I wonder what a concerted voice sounds like.**  
"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. **

Well then.

**And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. **

How does him having dated Draco in the past have anything to do with him not being nice?

**But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.  
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.**

What was he doing behind the wall is, apparently, unimportant.

**"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" **

*gasp*

**(c is dat out of character?)**

Very much so.

**I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.**

O.O Wow.

**We practiced for one more hour. **

How can you still practice when your boyfriend just called you names, made you AND HIMSELF cry?

**Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.**

Well, duuuuuh.

**"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."  
**

She just defied her own canon.**  
Chapter 11.**

****

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

**"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **

What a pleasant friend she is.

**and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.**

Wow.

**Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **

I'm sorry, let me stop here. I'm laughing so hard because I keep picturing a goth poser in a bathtub about to shove a bloody cut of meat at her chest while screaming her love for Draco Malfoy.

**I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! **

*facepalm*

**And Loopin was masticating to it! **

Lupin was eating the tape?

**They were sitting on their broomsticks.**

****

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

**"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **

HARRY'S A GIRL?

**I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…**

****

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

**"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"**

He's a student?

**"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"**

How is that a big announcement?

**"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand **

Apparently Ebony has really bad aim, but shot Snape's hand all to shit.

**where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."**

**"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.**

I'm confused.

**Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **

"Triumelephantly" huh? Me thinks I'm gonna start using that word.

"**The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"  
**So she has _really_ bad aim.

**I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.**

****

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

**And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.**

*facepalm*

**"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.**

Something within me thinks that she made that up so we wouldn't see her for the poser that she is.

**"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.**

*facepalm*

**"Because I LOVE HER!"  
**

*sings* That's the life of a Mary Sue.

**Chapter 12.**

**AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!  
**

O.O I only caught part of that. The part about American schools offends me. In fact, this whole goddamned story offends me! I think J.K. Rowling would self-combust if she read this crap!**  
**

**I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.**

O.O "Valiantly" is spelled correctly. AND WHEN THE FUCK DID ANY OF THIS CRAP HAPPEN? (I feel like Yusuke with all of this shouting. -.-')

**"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.  
**I'm guessing she means the white of his eyes, but why are they red? Is he high? Drunk? Tired? Or did he poke himself in the eye in a failed attempt to blind himself from ever laying eyes on the poser Troll (in the Harry Potter sense) that is Ebony?

**I stopped. "How did u know?"**

**"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"**

*bangs head on desk*

**"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.  
**The prequel question STILL stands.

**"I do but Diabolo **

I wonder if she knows it's "Diablo"?

**changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." **

Okay, 1. Wouldn't Hermione have been the one to change it? And 2. If you're SO proud of being SO Goffick why cover up a pentagram (which I'm shocked she spelled correctly, by the way) scar at all?

**he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! **

Dios Mio! *facepalm*

**Save me! **

Why did he say that?

**then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"**

I'm gonna have nightmares tonight about Voldy raping Draco. THANKS A FUCKING LOT!

**Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles **

Is this St. Mango's some kind of fruit rehabilitation for pedophiles. And when did being 17 constitute for being prepubescent?

**and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **

Ain't she humble.

**Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera **

That sounds painful.

What is a "cideo camera" and how does one constipate it?

**they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.**

A simple "flipped them off" would suffice.

****

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

**"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. **

Well if that's what you get for being nice to somebody at this fucked up version of Hogwarts, no wonder all these kids are screwed up!

**Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.**

****

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

**"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.**

He just said that they weren't roses.

**"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." **

Oh, god! WHEN WILL IT END?

**Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **

Yes, you fucking idiot.

**to it he added silently.**

****

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

**He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." **

Didn't we go through this already?

**He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .**

**"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.  
**How is being grammar impaired wise?

**"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." **

*facepalm*

**Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"  
**Okay, at first I thought that she'd randomly made up (what she thought were) cool sounding words, but I Googled that shit and after quite a few links making fun of 'My Immortal' itself (IE: Encyclopedia Dramatica and fanfics similar to this one) and a Facebook page fan club, which I clicked on to read a topic post asking what it meant and a reply said that it was apparently said somewhere in the song "I'm Not Okay" by My Chemical Romance

**And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **

Welcome, Tara, to the Department of Redundancy Department. Welcome.

**Now I knew he wasn't a prep.**

What, may I ask, is so wrong with ALL preps? I know a few who are quite nice.

**"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"**

Assuming she was saying 'What the fuck', I was going to ask her the same question about herself,

**Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.  
**

Gee, maybe because they're-hmm, I don't know-BLACK!

**"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **

*groans* That pun was so damn bad it made me want to puke.

**u mst find urslf 1st, k?"**

**"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. **

He was talking to Ebony.

**dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.**

Just shoot me, and put me out of my misery.

**Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. **

Is it a door to St. Mangos?

"**U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"**

**Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. **

I'm officially convinced that she's making clothes up.

**I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring **

Ew.

**(if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.**

**"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. **

That didn't sound sad.

"**Fangs (geddit) **

*groans* Another bad pun.

**you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **

A bleeding vampire is a fucking paradox.

**I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. **

I thought they got sent to St. Mangos. *looks at camera that appears out of nowhere because the authoress is on a sugar high* St. Mangos, the only fruit rehabilitation center for pedophiles (Muggle or Wizard).

**I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **

Apparently this is a class for aspiring animal grooming specialists.

**He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. **

We get it, already!

**He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.**

I always knew Hufflepuffs took too much greif.

****

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

**We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. **

They must have gotten their contacts from the same optometrist/company.

**Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.  
**0.0 She works quickly.**  
"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.**

*laughing uncontrollably* I'd like to hear her say that! I bet she's said that to Sirius more than once.

**"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" **

According to the above it wasn't rape, so IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO SISTER (or more, if you're into that. *laughs* Sometimes it's one as Lupin demonstrated earlier)!

**I shouted and then I ran away angrily.**

**Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **

Is it just me, or does he sound like a sissy when he says that?

**and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.  
**

From his failed attempt of blinding himself.

**"NO!" I ran up closer.**

****

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

**"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"**

Whoa, dude. Déjà vu.

****

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

**HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I**

A/N: Okay, here you are my faithful readers. I shall update soon.


	4. Chapters 13 through 17

A/N: I'd like to thank those who reviewed/subscribed the story! I'm glad you like it. I'd like to remind people that the bold print isn't mine.

Now! I'd like to issue a special warning!

I advise that you take breaks, because prolonged exposure to the fanfiction that is 'My Immortal' includes, but is not limited to:

Pure and utter destruction of the liver (if the My Immortal Drinking Game is involved)

Immense lowering of one's IQ

Self combustion

Bleeding of the eyes

Liquefaction of the brain

Said liquefied brain leaking from the ears

Explosive diarrhea

A burning need to sanitize the brain

Over facepalming, sweatdropping, and twitching

A broken nose from banging your head onto your desk as well as other various head injuries

And, suicide in varying manners

I also advise that you resist blowing up/shooting/burning/burying/doing anything else that could be immensely destructive to your computer, your brain or the author (if you could call her that) of 'My Immortal' itself, Tara Gilesbie.

Results of those actions can be (but are not limited to):

Regret

Death

First degree murder charges

Attempted murder charges

Conspiracy to commit murder charges

And jail time

Now that that's out of the way, let's get this over with.

**Chapter 13.**

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

Why would you steal your friend's poster?****

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

*twitch* Anyone want to check for Pod People?****

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

Definite Pod Person****

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." 

Because everyone who the Mary Sue doesn't like, hates her in return, we know.

**he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)**

You don't have anything they'd want. Or do you? *gasp* You're a hermaphrodite! ****

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. 

You'd think Hogwarts would do something about this crying tears of blood and cutting pandemic sweeping the school.

**Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.**

o.o' As well as have psychiatric drugs for the character's bipolar disorders.****

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. 

Well _that's_ specific.

**Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"

When did we go Muslim (no offence to anyone's religion intended)**  
It was….. Voldemort!**

More useless suspense!****

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. 

I don't believe her.

**PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!**

Does that mean God has to strike her with lightning 10 times? DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT! *Fairly Oddparets reference*****

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. 

Isn't it Wormtail?

**Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" 

I think he wants the preps to blind him where he doesn't have to see Ebony.

**he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. **

Everyone, do me a favor and go to YouTube and type in search 'the life of a mary sue' and click the first video. See if that doesn't describe this utter shit perfectly! (I don't own that video)

**(in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)**

"Huh?" I asked.  
"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. 

*laughs* I'm picturing Pettigrew running around in fucking circles screaming with blood spraying out of his chest like a pressure washer.

**I brust into tears sadly.**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. 

BAH HA HAHA HA! Voldy's a TRANNY!

**So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.  
**At what point did they rescue Draco?

**"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **

She's crying, and he still wants to have sex?

**He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) **

*groans and vomits from horrible pun*

**and a really huge you-know-what and everything.**

Hasn't she mentioned that?****

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

MARY-SUE!****

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco.

And she's not?****

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.  
*sings* That's the life of a Mary Sue!

**Chapter 15.**

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! 

Go sit in the corner and cry little emo kid!

**fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" 

Ain't she just a brilliant ray of sunshine?

**I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. **

Doesn't exist!

**He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. **

IN WHAT FUCKING WAY?

**I started to cry and weep. **

Redundant!

**I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.**

Hogwarts has Biology now?****

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. 

Her hair was on fire?

**Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **

*sweatdrop* That's Transfiguration. And since when is that like Biology?

**Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!**

Because it can totally do that in this universe. In this universe 4+4=fish and fish breath mud, so why not.****

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. 

MAKE IT END, GOD! PLEASE! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS PAIN? AND HOW DO YOU SHOUT SADLY?

**Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. **

I wanna commit suicide right now reading this crap.

**Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .**

By this point, I think she's just picking out guys that sing from her favorite bands that she thinks are hot and is combining them to make herself seem less like a poser.

**"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **

AH-HA! THAT _PROVES_ SHE'S A POSER IF SHE'S SEEN THAT MOVIE!

**Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **

^_^' of course they were

**Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. **

Because Hogsmesde is really the place for a concert.

**We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.**

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!  


I hope she speaks Japanese much better than she speaks English.**  
**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. 

I thought they played in a club?

**We ran in happly. **

That doesn't seem like a very goffick thing to do, now does it?

**MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. **

*facepalm*

**Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **

That is so wrong in so many ways!

**I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!**

O.O *cracks up laughing* That should be a fucking band name!****

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them"

Didn't the concert just happen? And why is she suddenly mad at Draco? I AM _SO_ CONFUSED!****

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what.

Oh, yeah. Sure they don't! I got a whole male segment of the class of 2010 that will most certainly prove you wrong! That's all I hear about from the majority of my male friends.****

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.  
So, wait. She won't go out with him because they had sex? HUH?

**"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" 

HAHAHAH! WHO SAYS THAT ANYMORE?

**I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?"  
**By 'Christina' I guess she means Christian.

**"NO." he muttered loudly.**

How does one accomplish the task of muttering loudly?****

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

You just asked him that!****

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.  


What's with the randomly breaking out into song? Oh god! Thought! *waving hands excitedly* Thought! What if the 'Dark Knight' characters did that? *laughs* **  
**

**I was flattened cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!  
**JESUS H. CHRIST ON A CROSS! THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST RETARDED SENTENCES YET!

**"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.**

Oy vey.****

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)

I don't know what it is, but something tells me she's mad at Raven.****

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." 

How is the statement cute?

**B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. **

"**Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."  
**0.0 Lupin's a necrophiliac?

**"Kawai." I commnted happily . **

How is that cute?

**We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.  
**

I think she went for the high score on this for rape of logic.**  
"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."**

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."

*preppy voice* Lyke ttlly! Nd den well lyke todes pnt r nales nd lisen 2 jstn bybr! (I apologize for that, I felt I had to slip into making fun of the grammatically impaired Justin Bieber teeny bopper fangirls because of that! ^_^ Won't happen again!)****

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

The simple fact that she spelled card incorrectly just leaves me in awe.****

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. 

SHE'S POSSESSED! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

**I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"**

Just because she doesn't have a Hot Topic Loyalty Card she's a prep?****

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.  


Huh? What did Vampire do?**  
"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."**

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

How is that asking quietly?****

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

… Whut?****

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, 

Because every god damned thing in this story revolves around you, don't it?

**running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.**

WHORE!****

"Oh my satan 

So… "Oh emm gee" is okay to say, but not "Oh my God"?

**you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.**

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. 

Because logic was raped when she began the damned story, why the hell not?

**Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.**

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?"  


She added her own name to the name of her character?**  
"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."**

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" 

So everyone that would wish to see her someplace is a pervert? *shrugs* Why the hell not?

**I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, **

Because, apparently, the goddamned sun would burn out and the world would implode if not everyone loved her.

**Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"**

A/N: And, we'll end there. My brain needs a break. 12 chapters of 'My Immortal' will do that to you. Goodbye, readers, and good night.


	5. Chapters 18 through 21

A/N: What the hell did I do to deserve this torture? I don't own the bold print. I'll post the My Immortal Drinking Game on my profile, though I don't recommend it be played with alcoholic drinks unless you want your liver to be shot all to shit and do some things you'll probably regret (if you remember them).

Key: **blah**-Tara Gillesspie's monstrosity

blah-Authoress' comments

*blah*-action

_blah_-Authoress' sugar and caffeine fueled imagination

**Chapter 17.**

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!

PLEASE RAVEN (who I still don't believe exists) DO IT! HER SPELLING IS WORSE WITHOUT YOU! FOR OUR SANITY! PLEASE DO IT!****

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). 

*facepalm* Only this story can make me facepalm right from the start of the chapter.

**Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. **

Sexual euphemism! Get you're sexual euphemisms here!

"**WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." **

I think "fjucking" is pronounced similar to "fjord"

**Well anyway Willow came. **

I thought she died and Loopin did dirty dirty things to her corpse.

**Hargird went away angrily.**

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said.

O.O She spelled 'kawaii' correctly. Holy fucking shit. IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE! RUN!****

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. 

Yes, because you're the life of a Mary-Sue is so goddamned tiring, what with everybody loving you and everything.

**She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. **

How do black pointy boots show off how pale a person is?

**She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. **

Because it would be horrifying for a Mary-Sue's best friend to be the president of the itty-bitty titty committee.

**She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.**

Ah, media influences at it's finest.****

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson.

Poor Ron.

**Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans **

NOOOoOOO! She ruined my favorite brand of shoes!

**he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel **

Poor Neville. The poor bastard was this close to escaping this abomination of a story but he wasn't quite fast enough.

**but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. **

*sweatdrop* Of course.

**He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. **

I think she fucked poor Neville up worse than she did everyone else.

J.K. Rowling would be in the fetal position crying if she read this.

**We kall him Dracula now. **

Yeah. We got that.

**Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **

*groans* Not another pun. One can destroy their liver in the My Immortal Drinking Game on the puns alone!

**that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **

That's why Willow's so skinny to be anorexic. She's a crack whore.

**Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. **

And sparkling in the sunlight (like I'm sure she does) isn't preppy?

**We soon got there….I gapsed.**

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!

Didn't we already go through this shit?

I have one more thing to say on this subject: Voldy should have skipped world domination (insert Fairly Oddparents roach saying "WORLD DOMINATION!" here) all together and gone straight for the music industry. *authoress looks up*

_*Koto (the fox/cat looking demon from Yu Yu Hakusho's Dark Tournoment) steps on a stage in a dark club full of Dark Wizards.*_

_Koto: Are you ready to ROCK?_

_*crowd cheers*_

_Here they are! On drums! RODOLPHUS LESTRANGE!_

_On bass! BELLATRIX!_

_On lead guitar! LUCIUS MALFOY!_

_And the man of the hour! The Dark Lord! VOLDEMORT!_

_These are VOLDEMORT AND THE DEATH DEALERS!_****

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"

I have no words for how idiotic that is.

**"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. 

I thought Avril was considered preppy now.

**He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE!**

Chapter 18.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!

I thought he had a headache?****

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. 

*facepalm* Fucking shit, dude.

**I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). 

Dude…no. Just…no.

**Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. **

That seems uncomfortable.

**Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)**

Linkin Park? Really? Really Tara? Really? (Whoever got that reference gets a virtual cookie)

**Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. **

I'm picturing the same set-up as the Great Hall in the movies, only inside of a giant cheese grater.

**There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.**

What's so wrong with the Backstreet Boys? I****

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. 

*bangs head on laptop*ndkfokhjfkdsjfnkldsnfghi

**Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.**

This makes me want to shoot myself in the head.****

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.

THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!

"**WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!"**

Why are you angry.****

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

I'm shocked. Other than "fink", that quote by itself sounds pretty in-character for Dumbledore.****

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. 

I feel offended. I like Gryffindor House.

**Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.**

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

Yeah. That's gonna happen when Hell freezes over.****

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. 

*sweatdrop* At least she was close.

**We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way **

Oh, yeah. That's healthy.

**(geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted.**

Yeah, his third one.****

I was so fucking angry.

Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

Is she even trying anymore?****

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.

Lets try to get this straight:

-This concert has happened not once, but three times.

-Each time, something different happened leading up to it.

-Each time, the end was the same: Instead of My Chemical Romance, it was Voldemort and the Death Dealers (The rockin' band that have taken over the Dark Wizard music scene. All of their songs' lyrics are in Old English.) and Voldemort ran like a chicken-shit when Dumbledore showed up, dressed in Avril Lavigne robes, and shot an unknown spell at him.

-Now, since Voldemort and the Death Dealers' chance at taking over the Hogwarts' music scene was ruined, My Chemical Romance is doing the concert promised.**  
Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. **

I would be happy to cut class.

**Draco was being all secretive.**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).

Not really. I just think they're sissies.****

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily 

GARY STU!

**as his black hare went in his big blue eyes **

A black rabbit went in his eyes? Wow.

**like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik)**

*facepalm*

**I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)**

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled.

BECAUSE, GOD FORBID IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!****

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

Buy butt? *gasps* Draco supports male prostitutes!**  
"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.**

Something tells me they started to have sex and we missed it.****

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted.

I'm confused.****

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). 

O.O You know your story is bad when your own feces cries.

**I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.**

Because you're so goffick.**  
Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated.**

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore.

Notice she said "_maybe_ Draco". ****

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. 

O.O Dumbledore *snicker* carries a purse. *bursts out laughing*

"**What are u wearing to the concert?"**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped.

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u."

Chapter 20.

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

I'll be the first to say it. *stands on chair* May I have your attention, please? People! Attention! *taps on glass that appeared from nowhere because the authoress is cool like that* I..call..BULLSHIT! Thank you. That is all.****

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one. 

He'll get you! You goffick vampire who I bet sparkles.

**I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. **

Because slitting your wrists while you're happy is apparently what they do in this fucked up story.

**Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. **

TOO FAR! She just fucked up the title of my favorite My Chemical Romance song!

**I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.

I thought they went to St. Mangos.****

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) 

Oy.

**kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily.**

She was actually close in that spelling.****

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.

How is that sarcasm? Sounds like venom filled hate to me.****

"Fuker." He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1

That is SO wrong!****

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. 

Poor Dobby.

**Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) **

Umm. Eww.

**but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)**

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

I'm scarred for life.****

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!" 

Oh my god. *facepalm*

**I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them **

That takes talent.

**and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.**

He was going to jump in the Black Lake to let the Giant Squid eat him to get the fuck away from this bullshit until you wrote him in this chapter. Now he's royally fucked.****

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." Vampire said shaking his hed. 

Sooo many bad images.

"**U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?"**

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather 

Dogfather? I want one!

**Serious Blak had given it 2 him. **

I'm amazed that she spelled serious correctly (though, it wasn't spelled as Sirius, she still spelled it correctly). But I think I'm even more amazed that she misspelled black.

**The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it.**

….I gasped.

IT'S YOUR NAME SPELLED INCORRECTLY! THAT'S NOT FLATTERING!****

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. 

That's got to be difficult to do.

**I gapsed, looking at da band.**

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner.  


Go cry in the corner and cut yourself, little emo kid!

**Chapter 21.**

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!

Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice.

How does one speak in a gothic voice?****

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. 

This is just me, but I would have to assume that "running in a suicidal way" consists of running with scissors.

**I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.**

I hope you commit suicide!****

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" I shouted angrily. 

I thought she said that she liked seeing two guys having sex?

**Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.**

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. 

So…Filch and Mrs. Norris switched bodies?

**He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way.

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

More unnecessary suspense.****

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1

A/N: I didn't even bother to try and understand that.


	6. Chapters 22 through 25

The bold print isn't mine.

**Chapter 22.**

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1

Okay, I forgot to mention this in the last chapter (I think), apparently it's Raven's (who I _still_ don't believe exists) fault that Mrs. Norris and Mr. Filch apparently did a body/gender swap and became Mr. Norris and his cat Filth, but there still seems to be a freaky unmentioned bestiality-type relationship going on there.****

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. 

Why do I get the feeling that the above was another bad pun?

**Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. **

That screams "Who's ready for some S&M?"

**Then I gasped.**

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!

I opened my crimson eyes. 

I thought her eyes were ice blue?

NOTE TO READER: ALL OF THE BELOW IS MORE USELESS DESCRIPTION OF MORE CLOTHING THAT DOESN'T EXIST! IF YOU DON'T WISH TO READ IT SKIP IT UNTIL YOU SEE THIS: "0987654321"

**Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. **

0987654321

**So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism.**

If she was going for slitting the Harry Potter cannon's throat and fucking the wound…she's officially succeeded.****

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said.

Like-maybe, hmm I don't know?-THIS STORY?****

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.

Oy vey.****

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective."

Something tells me that she meant to be sexual with that.****

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal 

I'm getting flashbacks of the psycho super-computer H.A.L. from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

**and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. **

I feel offended for some reason.

**She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. **

Again, I'm offended for an unknown reason.

**Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.**

For some strange reason, I read "Rumbridge" and think "RUMBLEROOOAR!" A Very Potter Musical FTW!****

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

Hmm. The Bark Lord? Is he related to Harry's Dog Father?****

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! 

*stunned pause* She spelled Alzheimer's correctly. Minus the apostrophe thing, but still.

And how is Alzheimer's dangerous, exactly?

**YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"**

Retry what?****

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."

*authoress kneels and folds hands on prayer* God, I know we haven't spoken since Logan and Camille broke up on Big Time Rush, but please! For the love of-well-you. Let her die a horrible bloody death.

**Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped.**

**Chapter 23.**

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!

I actually looked this shit up and, believe it or not, My Immortal _did_ get 10,000 reviews. Granted the majority, if not all, were flames, but still.****

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum

I'm beginning to think that these Dumbledore typos are done on purpose.

**and Rumbridge sawed us.**

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her.

For old school Raw fans, remember that annoying as fuck siren that they used to blare? Yeah, I'm picturing Dumbledore's face turning into a bull-horn while facing Umbridge with that coming from it.****

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!"

I also believe that she means to spell it "cum" in order to promote her totally awesome (and actually hilarious) sex scenes that are written for 5 year olds.****

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. 

Because joking about death and blood is exactly what my friends and I (and all normal people) do at breakfast.

**They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. **

*gags* I think Ville's hot and not only did she spell his last name wrong (it's spelled Vallo) I have to clean up vomit because hearing the lead singer from one of my favorite bands being compared to Crabbe and Goyle made me vomit on the floor.

Hey, when did I eat corn?

**I eight some Count Chocula **

Because even vampires get a little crampy.

**and drank som blood from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. **

I wasn't aware that anyone could _hear_ someone's emotions.

**I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother.**

Let's be completely serious here. You _do_ have to admit, guns would be a lot easier than Avada.****

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1"

O.o Something tells me that the next person who eats at that particular area in the Great Hall is going to contract e. coli.****

"No I do!" shouted.

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) 

I thought that she likes to see men have sex.

**They started to fight and beat up each other.**

Because just doing one of those two things is for preps and posers.****

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. 

Some girl named Britney must have done something really psychologically scarring to her.

**Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort!**

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. 

When did this turn into a Star Wars fanfic?

"**Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!"**

Didn't we go through this at the concert that wasn't really a concert?****

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me. 

I'm sorry. I just keep picturing a seriously fucked up looking Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy going "Ooo. I didn't know a human could stretch _that_ way" while stretching something that looks strangely like taffy.

**Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. **

This sentence makes me think of when The Undertaker rolls his eyes back into his head (not that that's done in a gothic way).

**I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.**

As opposed to slitting your wrists in a happy way like all of the posers.****

"No!" I screamed sexily.

How does one go about that action?

**Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.**

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up.

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive.

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. 

Again, you'd think that the Ministry would do something about that.

"**OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!"**

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though."

How would the Arithmancy teacher help this situation?****

"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went.

Chapter 24.

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help!

Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. 

I'm this fucking close to banging my head into the desk.

**She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. **

*gigglesnort*

**She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. **

*twitch* 20 IQ points gone, right there.

**she n b'loody mry get along grate) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. **

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you? "

**We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.**

That was one talented nail artist.****

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?"

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. 

How does no one know what Hot Topic is?

**I gave them the middle finger. **

-_-" That's a little better than "I put up my middle finger at them", I suppose. Oh, God! I'm quoting it!

"**Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?"**

"Ho about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) 

*bangs head*

**1 on page 3."**

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die.

She's worried about someone other than herself? THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING!****

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball 

*bangs head harder than before*

**to lock in. **

"lock in"? Ooo. I love game shows!

**I looked at it.**

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram."

How is a skull gothic?****

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

Congress has a shoe line and the presidents don't? They should make some presidential shoes.****

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." said Proffesor Sinister.

I'm completely bypassing the point where she was talking to Trelawny, and going straight for the c-word comment. No woman would ever stand for any other person calling her the c-word.****

"Bye bitch." I said waving.

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited.

They were on display?****

Chapter 25.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. 

Nymphomaniac whore.

**We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.**

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.

HOW IS THE NAIL POLISH RELEVENT?****

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. 

I'm picturing her voice turning into Yami Bakura's from Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series.

**He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it,**

This is proof she doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about.

**and gave it to me to spork. He started to fly the car into a tree. **

That would be reason enough to freak the fuck out.

**We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.**

"And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. 

She has a _leather bar_ attached to her body? That explains where all the alcohol comes from, I suppose.

**I took of his black boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.**

*bites lip while making snickering noises that are trying to be restrained*****

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. 

If you have a DeskBot, I recommend posting that entire line in there. You'll pee, laughing.

**We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I fell asleep. I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.**

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. 

I really wish she'd get something done about that.

**I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. **

Does this even exist?

**Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111**

A/N: Okay, there ya go! I need ice cream to clear my thoughts. To the freezer!


	7. Chapters 26 through 29

A/N: Please keep in mind that the bold monstrosity is not mine (Thank the gods).

I have made a terrifying discovery: This shit was, apparently for real. Tara has a Twitter _and_ a Facebook. *shudders* No wonder the Japanese are almost 4 years ahead of us.

Now, onward.

**Chapter 26.**

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11

A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. He was wearing a blak leather jackson, 

Would it be in bad taste to make a Michael Jackson joke right about now?

**black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.**

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob. 

Wha..What?

**Draco hugged me sexily **

I wish Zak Bagans would hug _me_ sexily. (If you don't know who that is, get the fuck outta here. Lol. Just kidding.)

**tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.**

"Oh fuck it!" 

I've considered saying the same thing about this commentary.

**Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. "What fucking dick did that!"**

I _did_ say that when I saw My Immortal.****

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor."

We ran out of the tree 

Anyone else getting a 'Twilight' movie flashback? "Hold on tight, spidermonkey."

**and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.**

"Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. 

"Sire"?

"**Enoby had a vision in a dreem."**

Dubleodre started to cockle. 

*Snort*

"**Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?"**

All people are divisional. You can cut them in half. In thirds. In quarters. And then after we do this, we can dissolve Tara's body in the bathtub with hydrochloric acid.****

I glared at Dumbledore.

"Look motherfucker." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). 

I don't know what "toot of crakter" is (I think it's a poorly-spelled knock-off of a new Gordon Ramsay dish), but you don't have to be that big of a Harry Potter fan to know that that's out of character for Dumbledore.

"**U know very well that I'm not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!"**

I hope that "pornto" isn't a copyrighted word, yet. 'Cause I'm gonna start using it.****

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?"

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." 

How do you misspell "London"?

**I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. **

Ain't she specific?

**After a few mistunes **

Apparently he was trying to play a guitar.

**he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office **

I wonder if she realizes that it's NOT LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL!

**while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. **

…. The Ministry has to give Hogwarts some counseling.

**We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1**

Chapter 27. vampirz wil never hurt u

Bites hurt…Unless your on pain killers.****

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them. 

She reminds me of Zapp Brannigan from Futurama.

**Drako, Lucian, Serious bond Vampire all came to hug me. **

As soon as they wrap their arms around her, one of them will stab her.

**The nurse started to give them medicine.**

"Cum on Enoby." 

*drops confetti and party stuff with a disappointed look and channels Cartman* GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT!

**said Proffesor Sinatra. She was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it **

…..VAMPIRE'S DON'T HAVE BLOOD!

**and fuking black platinum boots. "I have to tell you the fucking perdition."**

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded.

I smelled happily 

They must not have served pork and beans for lunch in the Great Hall. I'll tell ya, Crabbe and Goyle are murder on the nose.

**and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said… "Tara, I see drak times are near." **

Tell me about it. We're on Chapter 27 and there's a total of 44 chapters.

**She said badly. She peered into da balls. **

To easy.

"**You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner **

Like a Time-Turner, but for exercise purposes.

**like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemint **

Voldemint *turns to camera that appears from nowhere* the toothpaste every dark wizard uses.

**was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" I shook my head. "U must go back in time and sedouce him. **

Oh, god. Here we go.

**It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."**

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. I went outside again sadly.

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, Willow and Boldy Mary?

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises.

I put on my Invisibility coke with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether.

Chapter 28.

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111

We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath.

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Drako and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastard hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it.

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. "The problem is….I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. 

Methinks she's getting tears of joy and tears of sadness confused again.

**Vampire hugged him.**

From joy.****

"Itz okay Eboby." he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?"

Yes, let's let the brake up so she can roll off of a cliff.****

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. 

Bow-chica-wow-wow

**Vampire looked at us longingly.**

Then… 

You had poorly described sex?

**I took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. **

I had no clue one of the Stallone brothers had a sex tape out.

**He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. **

Because you can totally do that.

**Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. **

How?

**Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).**

Because it's perfectly alright to video tape minors having sex,, as long as they consent.****

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. 

Who the fuck wants to have sex in a coffin.

**He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.**

I so called it like *looks up* 6 comments ago.****

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." 

*snort*

**he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly….**

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!"

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111

Of course it was.****

Chapter 29.

AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111

Yes, Tara. We're all jealous of your terrible spelling.****

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily.

"CUM NOW!1!" Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily.

I have nothing to say.

**We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.**

Blech. Caramel.****

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily.

"Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. "Look, Dumblehor noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. So give back da camera!1111"

Anyone else notice that St. Mango's is the only consistent thing in this story?****

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly.

Snoopy doesn't laugh meanly. He doesn't laugh at all, actually. He snickers….mmmm, Snickers.****

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. Draco started to cry 

Pussy.

**all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111).**

**I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). **

Apparently, if Raven told her the grass was purple and the sky was green, she'd believe it.

**Vampire took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes.**

And then….. he and Snoop both took out guns using magic. 

Why not just use magic?

**They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand.**

"Crosio!" I shouted. Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. 

Oh, no! How will we vote for homecoming queen now?

**I STOPPED DA CURSE. Profesor McGoogle **

McGoogles is me name, I like a swampy bog.

It's time to play a game with your favorite highland frog.

**did a spell so that we were all chained up. **

Methinks that's not a legal game to play with our favorite highland frog.

**She took out a box of tools. Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." **

**She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry.**

Pussy.****

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Snake."

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111

I'm gettin' a creepy uncle vibe here.

A/N: Well, I suppose I'll leave you here. I've officially become a masochist because I've decided to flame stories you suggest. But I have some rules.

Here are the categories I'll accept from:

-Twilight

-WWE

-Yu-Gi-Oh

-Batman/Begins/The Dark Knight

-Harry Potter

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

-Yu Yu Hakusho

Some things I won't accept are:

-The Wolf Blood Lineage by ComicsNix

-Beneath the Streets and Beneath the Feets by Robot B. Wonderful (**DON'T READ IT!**)

-Anything similar to Cloud Mows the Lawn (**FOR GOD'S SAKE, **_**DON'T FUCKING READ IT!**_)

-Vampire Stalkers by YamiKaykaMotou

-Anything by Oscar

Just leave the title, the author (if you can remember it), and the hosting domain in your review.


	8. Chapters 30 through 33

A/N: I'm baaaaaack! I'd like to thank you guys for pointing me in the direction of TheJadedDolphin's publishing of this. I tried to cut out their Publisher's notes, but if one slipped through the cracks, it belongs to them.

So, let's get this going. Please keep your hands and feet inside the story at all times. You, in the back. Yes sir, you. Give me the gum. Remember, everyone, your faith in grammar WILL be destroyed with this, so please take your time to remember the literary greats before continuing on with this:

J.K. Rowling

Edgar Allan Poe

William Shakespeare

Charles Dickens

Steven King

Thomas Harris

The writers of Monty Python-

That's enough! We'll be here all day if we name ALL of them.

**Chapter 30.**

**AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 **

Yes we do. It'll probably turn out the way every Mary Sue story does. Everyone the author likes will love the main character and put them on a pedestal and worship them like a god, and everyone the author doesn't like will hate and loathe the character for seemingly no reason whatsoever and be a social outcast for *le gasp* THINKING DIFFERENTLY.

**so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 **

After you crapped this steaming pile of shit I'm commentating on? No thank you.

**soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers **

Lolwut?

**is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111**

**"No!11" we screamed sadly. **

Um…we left off where Snape and McGonnagal tied them up and Snape took out some whips. I'd be screaming from fear!

**Snap stated loafing meanly. **

Ooo. I haven't had homemade bread in forever!

**He took out a kamera anvilly. **

Snape is Wile E. Cyote? I SO want to go to Hogwarts now.

**Then… he came tords Darko!1! **

Darko? Donnie Darko? I've been meaning to watch that movie. Thanks for reminding me. Can anyone tell me if it's any good?

**He took sum stones out of his poket. **

-.-' She misspelled 'pocket'

**He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle.**

**"What the fuck r u doing!" **

Hey! That's what I screamed when I first read this!

**I shooted arngrily. Snoop laughed meanly. **

Wait. Are Snoop and Snape the same or different people?

**He polled down his pants. **

Snape, we don't have the money to pay the FCC for this! Put your pants back on!

**I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!**

1: Ow. That had to hurt when Voldie came back into power

And 2: I could've gone the rest of my days without that mental image.

**He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.**

What? No gun this time?

**"U must stab Vrompire." he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1"**

Draco and Snape rapping together? Couldn't be any worse than the rapping dog in the animated Titanic movie.

**"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded.**

**But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) **

YES! You don't want to say cross because you're a poser who claims a religion because you think they worship Satan and they don't. And a pentagram is a Wiccan symbol! It's the inverted pentagram that's evil!

**between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. **

Why do I get the feeling she's JUST discovered Nirvana and thought Kurt Cobain (RIP) was hot (which he most definitely was)?

**But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. **

*facedesk* WE GET IT, DAMMIT!

**I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco **

My god, woman! Learn what a synonym is and stop using them in the same sentence.

**and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide **

She said at that point he killed himself. If he killed himself, was she dragging a corpse with her the entire time? Was she pulling a Jeff Dunham and using ventriloquism to make him say all of those things? If so, why is Snape going to rape him? Is he a necrophiliac, too? I'm sure there was SOMEONE that would've slept with him…What? Alan Rickman is an attractive for a man his age…STOP JUDGING ME!

**and Vampire wuz so sportive.**

**Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. **

Voldie doesn't have his own religion.

**He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. **

I have this mental image of Snape, dancing without trousers, around a circle of stones swinging a leather flogger around and hitting Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Should I laugh or cry?

**Suddenly an idea I had. **

Strong with the force, young Skywalker is.

**I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape.**

**"Dumbeldork will get u!" Draco shooted.**

**"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.**

**"You ridiculus dondderhed!111" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him….**

And now for something completely different.

**"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. **

I like to imagine that it went something like this:

Ebony: Srs! Hlp! Snpe haz us n bndge.

Serious: What? I can't understand you.

Ebony: Snpe haz us n bndge.

Serious: I don't know what you're saying. Stop typing like a Justin Beiber fangirl and type like a normal person. Also, learn the English language. *turns off phone*

**I stopped doing crucio.**

**"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came.**

Wait. What? Did Snape have a split personality? Is Severus the good one and Snape is the bad? Are they going to have a fight to the death within his body? All of my suffering WASN'T for nothing! *someone whispers in the authoress' ear* What? *same person whispers again* Dammit! *facedesk* My friend has just informed me that Tara isn't smart enough to come up with something like that. She just, more than likely, assumed that, because Harry and friends call him by his last name and McGonagall calls him by his first, they're two different people.

**Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." he lied. But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go."**

Wait. Wait. There is a 30+ year old man…naked from the waist down…holding a whip…standing infront of 3 students, who are chaind up to a wall…AND THERE'S NO CNSEQUENSES? THE FUCK?

**Chapter 31.**

**AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111**

Did she just call us queefs?

**stop kalin ebony a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111**

I dunno. It seemed like Raven slacked a bit in the last paragraph of the previous chapter.

**"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111)." Serious said 2 Snape.**

That…actually is kind of along the line of Ron. So, she got _a_ character's mannerism's, just the wrong ones.

**"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed.**

**"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some blak Volremortserum out of my poket and gave it to Serverus. He made Snap dirnk it.**

I still think he has multiple personalities.

**He did arngrily. Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it **

You mean recording?

**while he did curses on Snap. **

I don't think she meant recording. I literally believe she intended this to be a Benny Hill scene and the theme was on the tape in the tape recorder.

**Then Proffesor Sinister and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. Lucian took Vampure and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. **

I've said it before and I'll say it again. She reminds me of Zapp Brannigan.

**Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. **

Hogwarts develops pictures the Muggle way?

**Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. **

….Uh-oh. I remember this part. Buckle up, kids. It takes a nose-dive from here.

**Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. **

See. I told you guys she just discovered Nirvana.

**Hermoine, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid's store.**

**"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry.**

Well, if you'd look, you little dunce, you'd find out, now, wouldn't you?

**"U will c." she said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. **

Oh, god, it's more ridiculous goddamn clothes.

**It had red korset stuff **

You mean lace?

**and there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz **

I think she can dress herself, guys.

**and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick.**

Again, she can dress herself.

**"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." B'loody Mary said.**

-.- Just say cute.

**"Fangs." I said.**

**"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." said Proffesor Sinister. **

But…but I don't wanna go back in Tim. I'll get lost like Lemmywinks.

**"U will have to do it in a few sessionz." She gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. **

Why did she have to ruin Resident Evil for me? AND IT'S CALLED A THIGH-BAND HOLSTER!

**Then she gave me a black time-tuner. "After an hour use da time torner to go back here." Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.**

Does she know what a Pensieve is?

**"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted. Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin. **

Ugh.

**Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive.**

Nope, she doesn't know what a Pensieve is.

Also, "jumped sexily"? Seriously? What'd she do? Shimmy her hips and then jump? No, Tara's not that clever.

**Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. **

-.- Anyone wanna take a guess? No? *heavy exhale* Fine. We're nearly done anyway.

**He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. **

Ew.

**He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung **

I thought his eyes were hazel.

**and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was….Tom Bombodil!1111**

…Bombodil? Did she get Harry Potter get mixed up with the Lord of The Rings Trilogy? How?

**Chapter 32.**

**AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111**

**"Hi." I said flirtily. "Im Enoby Way da new student." I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.**

**"Da name's Tom." he said. "But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam"**

Wow. That's not blatant at all.

**We shok hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." Satan said. I followed him. "Hey Satan…..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?" (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.**

Um…Ebony, both won't be around for another 6 years, where you're from, either. Also, YOU'RE IN THE 1940'S!

**"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. "actually I like gc a lot too."(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s)**

1: Good Charlotte released they're first major album in 2000. YOU'RE FROM 1997!

And 2: NO, I JUST WANNA LIVE DID _NOT_ SOUND 80'S! LISTEN TO SOME _REAL_ 80'S ROCK LIKE MOTLEY CRUE OR POISON OR, HELL, CULT OF PERSONALITY BY LIVING COLOUR!

**"omg me too!" I replied happily.**

**"guess what they have a concert in hogsment." satan whispered.**

**"hogsment?" I asked.**

**"yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000." **

Would this be qualified as jumping the shark, a continuity error, or breaking the fourth wall?

**he told me all sekrtivly. "and theres a really cool shop called Hot-"**

**'topic!" I finshed, happy again.**

**He froned confusedly. "noo its called Hot Ishoo." He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic." he moaned.**

**"ohh." now everything was making sense for me. "so is dumblydor your princepill?" I shouted.**

**"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "im in slitherin'"**

**"OMfG SHME TOO!" I SHRIEDKED.**

**"u go to this skull?"(geddit cos im goffik) he asked.**

**"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLED HAPPili.**

I waNNA bE cOol and RAnDoMly CApitAliZE LEttErS, Too!

**Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short blonde hair **

Auburn. His hair was auburn.

**and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. **

Hey! Polo shirts were a part of my school uniform when I was in high school!

**"STUPID GOFFS!"**

**satan rolled his eyes. "his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we're in slytherine and we're not preps."**

Look, if you don't like Dumbledore, Tara, that's fine. That's you're choice. But, I'll be GODDAMNED if I stand by a allow you to decimate his character like this!

**I turned around angrily. "actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord."**

She was so the wrong person to send on this mission.

**"wtf?" he asked angrily.**

**"oh nuffin." I said sweetly.**

**then suddenlyn…. the floor opened. "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly."**

Karma's a bitch, ain't she?

**"hey where r u goin?" satan asked as I fell.**

She fell a second time? *snickers* The first time was karma, but this is my reward for almost making it all the way through this crap.

**I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said.**

I'm confused.

**"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik.**

Oh, yes, because THAT'S how time travel works.

**sinister came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?"**

**:"um." I looked at her.**

**"oh yeaH I forgot bout that."**

**"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. **

You have no problem yelling at the other teachers.

**but shes a goff so its ok.**

What the-NO TEACHER IS GOING TO STAND FOR YOU SCREAMING AT THEM!

**professor sinster looked sad. "um I was drinking voldemortserum." **

Well, we know she swallows.

**she started to cry black tears of depression. dumblydum didn't know about them.**

**"hey r u crying tears of blood?" he asked curiously, tuching a tear.**

What the hell?

**"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.**

**professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum."**

And so are most porn stars.

**Chapter 33.**

**AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don't lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1**

**"Oh my fuking god!1" I shooted sadly. "Shud we get u 2 St Manga's, bitch?"**

**"Hel no!" she said. "Lizzen Egogy, I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson 4 sum help?"**

She's trying to stop him….but she's gonna ask him for help? Why the fuck not? 2+2 apparently equals fish in this anyway.

**"Sure I said sadly. **

She's not gonna tell us what they need Tom to help with, is she?

**I went outside the door. Draco was there!111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas.**

**"Hey Sexxy." I said.**

I didn't think so.

**"How'd it go Enoby?" he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking.**

**"Fine." I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.**

**"How far did u go wif Satan?" Drako asked jealously.**

Really? No poorly described, welcome home sex?

**"Not 2 far, lol." I borked.**

**"Will you hav to do it with him?" Draco asked angstily.**

**"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.**

Ah, there it go- oh, dammit. Really? You're gonna prolong this shit?

**"What happened 2 Snipe?" I growled.**

**"U will see." Draco giggled mistressly. He opened a door…Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.**

*gigglesnort* I have this picture of Sirius, Snape and Lupin all in a closet and Sirius is poking them with a rubber knife repeating "I poke you" as he does it…god, I need medication

**"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz). **

1: Pedophiles are attracted to kids who have not yet reached puberty. Sex with a minor is statutory rape.

2: I have not seen Shark Attack 3, but it sounds stupid.

**We took sum of Snipe's blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven't herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on 'desolition liverz' by MCR. Den….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. **

There we go. Let's see how she describes sex this time, shall we folks?

**We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. **

*giggles* It seems as though Draco has swapped genders.

**I gut an orgy.**

Why doesn't that surprise me?

**"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation.**

Oh…my…god! HAHAHA! The definition of eructation is "The act or an instance of belching"

**"I luv u TaEbory." he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol**

A/N: Well, guys. That's all I got. Hadeeba-deeba-deeba That's all, folks!


	9. Chapters 34 through 37

A/N: MAN! It feels good to be back! Oh, and I think I've found my next flaming, so look for that when this is finished. But just because that hunt might be over, doesn't mean I won't still take suggestions.

But, until then, buckle up, kids. You thought the previous chapters were bad? Pfft. It's all downhill from here.

**Chapter 34.**

**AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 **

To the best of our ability.

**u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1**

By the way, guys, I forgot to mention that sometime around the end of Chapter 33 Raven started to lack in her Beta-ing duties, so you see that AN of hers above? Yeah, be prepared for grammar only slightly better.

**I wook up in da coffin de next day. Draco waz gone. **

Coffins are a tight fit, so she must've been an incredibly heavy sleeper for a 150+ pound teenage male getting out of a coffin not to wake her up.

**I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. **

Oh, lord.

**There wuz red korset stuff **

It's called _lace_, Tara.

**going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. **

How hard is it to say "I put on a tight, sexy, knee-length black dress with red lace going up the front and down the back. It had a slit up the side that came to my thigh."? There. Done. I wrote 2 sentences for you, use them.

**I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. **

Stilton is a type of cheese _and_ a village in England. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. _G.I Joe!_

**Suddenly…. Sorious cocked on da door. I hopened it.**

**"Hi Ibony." he said. **

The f- 'I' is nowhere NEAR 'E' for her to mess that up. Tara, there's a process called 'brainstorming' that you need to look into. And if you can't decide which of the few names to choose, do what I do. Write them down; put them in a purse (and seeing as how everything your character owns has holes in it, I'm guessing yours do, too. And seeing as you're stupid, I'm guessing you've cut holes in your purses, so put them in something not holey), pull one out, and go with that one.

**"Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor's office."**

I swear to god, I saw that sentence in my peripheral vision and I thought it said something along the line of "You have to come see Professor Sinistor's cum face"

**"Ok." I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. **

1: It's Evanescence. If you're going to like a band, and you don't know the exact spelling, Google that shit.

2: If sex with Draco is so terrible that you don't know whether to have sex or listen to music, you need something to spice up the sex life.

**I came anyway.**

**"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily.**

Sirius may be a horn-dog, but I seriously doubt he'd break the law to have sex with a minor. Also, I just noticed she's never once mentioned something about Sirius being a fugitive.

**"I fucking tortured them." he answered in a statistic way. "They r in Abkhazian now, lol."**

**I laughed evilly.**

**"Where r Draco and Vampira?" I muttered.**

Harry's had a sex change, has he-er-she?

**"Dey are xcused form skool 2day." Sodomize moaned sexily. **

"Sodomize"? Who is that? Does Tara know what sodomy is?

**"Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas."**

I love that movie, but I only watch it during Halloween and Christmas. There _are_ other good movies, Tara. Like Star Wars, Vampires Suck was pretty good, Grease, West Side Story, A Clockwork Or-wait! We mustn't let Tara discover that movie! She try to integrate Alex DeLarge into this story and try to have poorly described sex with him! WE CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN!

**We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic**

**( http/ **

Listen, if you're going to reference a dress in a picture, put the URL in the ending AN. Not in the middle of the story!

**She wuz drinking some Volximortserum.**

More bukakke?

**She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner.**

**"Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited." she said sadly. **

What? Seriously? I realize quitting an addiction isn't easy, BUT THERE'S NO CURE FOR IT!

**"Good luck. Fangz!"**

**And then….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. **

Count Chocula didn't exist until 1971. You're ahead of yourself by 30 years!

**It was mourning. **

Ha. I get it…NOT FUNNY!

**I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. **

Did Charlie Manson and Marilyn Manson have a child? Because it seems like that would be in the news.

**I noticed…he was drinking a portent.**

He was drinking a sign that something momentous was about to happen? That's…kinda awesome.

**"Whose he!11" I asked.**

**"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn." Satan said. **

I think Tara saw a Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince porn and got the name from that, which is impossible because this was written in 2006 and The Goblet of Fire had just come out the previous year, as well as Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

**"He's da Portents teacher…..Ebony?"**

**"Yah?" I asked.**

**"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat."**

Well, The Exercise can't be worse than Death Bed: The Bed That Eats.

**"Yah?"**

**"Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?"**

**Chapter 35. gost of u**

Why would you only name 2 chapters? I can't think of names for chapters, so I don't name them. Simple as that.

**AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 **

Am I to understand someone gave her an idea for this chapter? Is everyone she knows stupid? What do they put in the water in her town?

**u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 **

OH, THANK YOU, BABY JESUS! What? I like the Christmas Jesus best and it's my reveiw.

**oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 fangz.**

**I went in2 da Conmen Room **

Were Steve Martin and Michael Caine there?

**finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped…..Draco wuz there!111**

What a twist!

**I grasped. He locked as hut as eva **

Oh, boy. Here we go.

**werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.**

**"Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111" I gosped.**

Well, he was _trying_ to get as far away from this story as fucking possible, but no, you just have to keep reeling him back in.

**"Huh?" he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn't Draco. It was Lucan!1 **

Oh, that classic getting your boyfriend confused with his father trick. Happens all the time in time travel stories. Oh, wait. NO IT DOESN'T!

**He stil had two arms.**

He lost one? When? Is she getting Lucius confused with Sesshomaru?

**"Oh hi Lucian!1" I sed. "Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz."**

**"Yah Satan told me abot you." Lusian said. **

Lucius is a few years older than the Marauders. NOT Voldemort!

**He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire's dad **

So…James doesn't exist in this universe? I highly doubt Lily would bang Sirius.

**and…Snap! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. **

Again, Good Charlotte did not exist! Not even in the 80's!

**"Lizzen I'm in a goth band wif those guys." he said. "Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up.**

Um, I know Marilyn Manson and other bands encourage young teenage bands because most of them were in that position once as well, but I've never heard of a famous artist choosing a random school band to open for them.

**"ORLY." I ESKED.**

Yarly.

**"Yeah." he said. "Were calld XBlakXTearX. **

That's not a band name, that's an e-mail address.

**I play teh gutter. **

Well, Ebony seems to have crawled out of one.

**Spartacus plays da drums" he said ponting to him. **

Spartacus? Seriously?

**"Snap plays the boss. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring."**

The movie she's referencing was released in 2002. She's in the 80's. TIME PARADOX!

**"Hey bastards." I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. "But don't u have a lead singer!" I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly.**

**"We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists."**

**"Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1" I gasped.**

I had all I could stands and I can't stands no more.

Yes, it is sad. Why would she think cutting is cool? It's not. I would know. It's terrible to go through so much emotion that you feel the need to cut yourself. To see the pain you put your family and friends through is terrible.

Sorry, guys. I've been holding that in since we started.

**"Its okay but we need a new led snigger." Samaro said.**

**"Wel…..I said Im in a bnad myself."**

Yes, readers. This is really happening.

**"Rilly?" asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111**

**"Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?"**

No! For fuck's sake, no!

**Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) **

Stop this. Please.

**Gurn Day.**

Oh, god!

**"I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz." I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. **

I would guess so, seeing as you can't even say the words correctly.

**Every1 gasped.**

**"Enopby? Will u join da band? Plz!1" begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap.**

God, it's like listening to Zapp Brannigan talk about when he was a teenage girl.

**"Um….ok." I shrugged. "Are we gong to play tonight?"**

**"Yah." they said.**

Yes, because you can learn an entire band set up in less than 24 hours.

**"Ok." I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. **

You didn't have to much of a problem last time.

**Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..**

And my childhood is gone in

3

2

1

**Morty Mcfli!1 **

Great Scott, Marty!

I know, Doc. This is heavy.

**He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.**

When did Marty EVER wear something like this? And the Back to the Future NES game doesn't count.

**"What da hell r u dong here!11" I asked.**

Trust me. EVERYONE wants to know that.

**"I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby." he said siriusly **

Well, she spelled Sirius' name correctly, SHE JUST USED IT IN THE WRONG CONTEXT!

**Den….he took out a blak tim machine. **

1.21 jiggawatts!

**I went in2 it and…..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111**

**Chapter 36.**

**AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 **

Lolwut

**ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111**

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight

I Don't Believe You!

**I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B'lody Mary, Socrates **

Does she even know who Socrates is? 10 bucks says she just learned about him.

**and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to.**

**"OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111"**

**"Yah I no." Serious said sadly.**

**"Oh hey there bitch." Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.**

No teacher would dare say that to a student, because people sue a hell of a lot more now.

**Hi fuker." I said. **

If I'd ever said that to any of my teachers, my mother would tear into me.

**"Lizzen, **

I swear, every time I see her type that I get so pissed. If you're going to type a word and you want to shorten it or make it look "cool" why have a word that's the same amount of characters?

**Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. **

Why get a new outfit at all? It's a date, not the Emmy Awards.

**Also I'm playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too."**

_That_ you would need a new outfit for.

**"Oh my satan!1" (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) **

_That's_ an insult to all goths.

**gasped B'lody Mary. "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?"**

Where else?

**"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.**

I find that _incredibly_ offensive.

**"I can't fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Willow.**

**"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also….sum luv potion 4 Enoby." Darko said resultantly.**

**"Well we have potions klass now." Willow said so let's go.**

No, by all means. You might as well become semi-literate

**We went sexily to Potionz class. **

How do you-you know what? No. I'm gonna leave this alone.

**But Snap wasn't there. **

WHAT? She got a teacher and their class right? Okay, she called him Snap, but still, this a really big step up for her!

**Instead there was…Cornelio Fuck!11111**

And she just took a nosedive down those steps.

**"Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted angrily.**

Why do you care? You never did before.

**"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. "Now do ur work!111"**

Was she going for offensive? I'll have you know the original Dumbledore, played by Richard Harris, passed away of cancer in 2002!

**My friendz and I talked arngrily.**

**"Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1" Vampire asked surprisedly.**

_That's_ what your concerned over?

**"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111"**

**He stomped out angrily.**

**Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. **

Never had beer. Heard it tastes like shit, though.

**Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard.**

Oh-kay, that's a little creepy.

**"WTF is he doing?" I asked. **

Finally, something I agree with.

**Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. **

Wow. That says a lot.

**Suddenly…"HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted.**

I'M BEING RANDOM BY SHOUTING! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

**I looked around….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.**

They beat him up sexily? Eh, why the fuck not?

**"God u r such a posr!1" I shooted at Hairgrid. **

Yes, because hiding in a closet, possibly spying, isn't creepy. It's being a poser.

**Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was…Amnesia Portion!111**

God, I hated that game.

**Chapter 37.**

**AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11**

**DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL**

See that 'lol'? She's mocking us, readers.

**Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor.**

**"Oh mi fucking satan!11" Enoby said. She wuz so hot. **

Of course she was.

**"Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1"**

How?

**"But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata," said Vampire. **

Wait. Wait. Did she just write Harry to call her by Tara's nickname? Wow, that's sad. I mean, a self-insertion fic is one thing, but this?

**"Why would u need it?"**

Thank you.

**"To make everyfing go faster lol." said Enoby.**

That…actually makes a bit of sense.

**"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly.**

**"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Britney, a fucking prep..**

Did she just teleport? Do preps have teleportation powers now? Cool!

**"Shut the fuk up!1" said Willow.**

**"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry's room."**

**Draco, Ebory and I went to Profesor Siniater's room. **

When did we leave Draco's POV?

**But Profesor Sinister wasn't there. Instead Tom Rid was.**

**Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez.**

Did she give up on quotations?

**I took out da cloves from da bag. **

So, we jumped from Draco's POV, to and unknown POV, to Ebony's POV.

**It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said '666' on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset.**

**"OMG fangz!" I said hugging him in a gothic way. **

You can just say that you hugged him. You _can_ hug someone and still be gothic.

**I took da clothes in da bag.**

**"OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" asked Draco. **

You don't want me to answer that.

**Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall.**

**"Oh my fuking satan!1" I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge.**

Rumbridge is back? Goody! Now I can say it! RUMBLEROOOOAR!

**"OMFG!111" I shoted arngrily. "How could they do that!11"**

**Suddenly Dumblydore came.**

**"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's blak tim machine!111 I jumped seductivly **

Oh, god, she's learned a new word.

**in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was…Profesor Slutborn's efface! **

Efface: verb, To erase (a mark) from a surface

**I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia **

Still hate that game.

**potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. **

They make pentagram foil confetti now?

**It was the shape of a cross. **

Um…wow. That's uh…kinda contradictory.

**I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz…..Profesor Slutgorn!11**

What a twist!

**OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.**

I'm confused.

**"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." you said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket.**

What the fuck is going on?

**"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn.**

**You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.**

The fu-MCR IS 20-60 YEARS OFF FROM WHERE YOU ARE!

**"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. "Wheres Satan?"**

**"Oh he's cumming." said Serious. **

Ew.

**"BTW u can kall me Hades now." **

Of course. Why not? Satan was already taken.

**Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt **

Well, at least she's 18 years off, now.

**and a blak tie.**

**"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." I said and then I went with Satan.**

A/N: Here you guys go! Another update! Sorry if I got a little preachy once or twice. We're nearly finished!

And Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is a real movie. Here's a link to a review of it done by The Cinema Snob (just take the spaces out):

http:/ /2010/01/28/ death-bed-the-bed-that-eats .aspx


	10. Chapter 38

A/N: If you guys didn't notice, I deleted the Author's Note that was taking up the Chapter 8 slot, so read the previous chapter first.

**Chapter 38.**

**AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory **

PLEASE DO!

**and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? **

No! End it now!

**oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111**

What's a quiz gonna do?

**Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car. **

Oh, I'm sure that went over well with the DMV (or whatever they call it across the pond).

**I went in it seduktivly. Stan started 2 drive it. **

Who is Stan? Is he Satan's driver?

**We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan), **

We kinda got that.

**kuttting, musik and being goffik.**

Going solely on stereotypes, that's being emo.

**"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11" Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)**

Sexuality shouldn't matter.

**"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena." I said in a flirty voice. **

Well, I can't say this story affected me the same way.

**"….Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?"**

Just outright ask him, why don't you!

**"Well…" he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod."**

So there's no cure.

**Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. **

That movie scared the shit out of me. I love it.

**In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer **

He murdered the Cheerio's bee and the dog for Cookie Crisp. He's one bad motha-shut yo' mouth!

**came lol. Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists.**

The fuck? Even if you _are_ sadists you call the cops out of mor…al…it…y. Right.

**While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar **

Y'know. For _kids!_

**sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. **

Like he's not gonna see that.

**I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag. **

Can someone fill me in here? Is Emily the Strange a movie character? I know she's not a character in a book, because it's obvious Tara's never read one of _those_.

**Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.**

Wow. He's talented. Most of my friends can't even blow smoke rings.

**"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. **

Well, you did it right in front of him. What'd you think was gonna happen?

**"Enoby gess what?"**

**I new that the amnesia had worked.**

If it worked, how does he know your name?

**"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." He said. **

What a twist! And it's also a time paradox.

**"2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u."**

**"Kul." I raised my eye suggestingly. **

How is that cool? He wanted to make you forget every…thing…you know what, Ebony, hand some of that potion over my way.

**And den…. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. **

Whoa…um, I like sex and all, but this is getting a little to kinky. That goes back where it came from or into the toilet.

**He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11**

You'd think she'd never seen a guy with a six-pack before. Guess what, sweetie, I know several of them.

**We frenched.**

**"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a prep.**

What? You're having sex in public! They serve food! It's not only a health violation, it's indecent exposure and it's against the law! What if there were children watching? Good, god, woman have you no…shame. Right. Continue.

**"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly…. I attaked her suking all her blood.**

**"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed **

I'm not a prep or anything, but I would scream, too. But I'd jump on her a rip her hair out.

**but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. **

…Pfffft. HAHAHAHA.

**Satan and I started to walk outside.**

**"Zomg how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.**

**"I'm a vampire." I said as we went into the car.**

Yeah. Like we didn't know that already.

**"Siriusly?" he gasped.**

**"Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. **

What? Did Stan quit his job?

**I smelled happily.**

**"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?"**

**"Yah." I said as we kised passively. Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.**

**"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. **

It's called the fist of rock, dumbass.

**I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism!1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.**

What? Why? Is the show over?

**"I wood like to peasant…..XBlakXTearX!11" he said. **

You wanna rape the Harry Potter cannon in the ass until it turns inside out, fine. I never thought I'd say this, but it's just a book and movie series. But when you make Marilyn Manson, a god in the rock world, open for your shitty high school band, THAT'S WHEN I GET PISSED.

**I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there. They started 2 play their instilments. **

What else would they do? You've rendered 4 amazing character useless, so you can do whatever the fuck you want.

**I got onstag.**

**"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. **

Ew. That's bad.

**Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation. "I'M NUT OKAY!1" **

Oh, I think everyone can figure that out.

**I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.**

**"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?"**

Christian Bale freak out time?

**"Woops im sory!" said Lucian.**

**"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily.**

*nods head* Christian Bale freak out time.

**"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1"**

**"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious.**

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I might as well get some entertainment from this so, Quiet Snape! Quiet Sirius!

**"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro.**

Yeah…uh, who were you again? Anyway; Yeah, Samaro. You tell 'em.

**"U guys stop!11" I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife.**

Whoa, um I wanted a fist fight. You guys can stop now.

**"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm.**

**And den…I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11**

0.0

**"No!111" yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.**

Yes…yes…YEEEEEEEEESSSSS! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!


	11. Chapter 39

A/N: *squee* This is the troll chapter. I'm gonna shut up and let this chapter speak for itself. So, may I present: our payoff for nearly finishing this shit load.

**Chapter 39. I Am A Trolling Genious, lolz**

**Publisher's Note: YES! BEST CHAPTER EVER!**

**Olivia**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX.**

**AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.**

**And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps."**

**I, the American retail wearing british vampire Sue, coughed up blood.**

**Satan kneeled down beside me.**

**"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"**

**I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue."**

**Satan sobbed. "I love you Ebony."**

**"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.**

**B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle, and every single gothic person she could think of.**

**Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.**

**When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.**

**A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.**

**A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.**

**All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.**

**When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.**

**All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.**

**And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married.**

**Meanwhile...**

**Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time.**

**She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.**

**She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' She asked herself in confusion.**

**And then it occured to her...**

**For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.**

**Ebony supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister.**

**Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it.**

**"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.**

**Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."**

**/End Crap Fic.**

**AN/ Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here:**

A/N: See? Doesn't that pay off? Now, I will review the real chapter

**AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111**

**I woke up in da Norse's offace **

NOOOOOOO!

**on a special gothik coffin. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room.**

**"Oh mi satan wut happened!" I screamed. **

Certainly not what we wanted.

**Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual.**

**"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded.**

**"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11" he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.**

I can't picture Voldie being a little cry baby.

**"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked.**

**Sudenly…. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD.**

**"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111" Scremed Vampire. **

Unfortunatly.

**I hugged him and B'lody Mary.**

**"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?" I gosped.**

0.0 …Yes. Yes you are, young lady. You have passed on. You are no more. You have ceased to be. You've expired and gone to meet your maker. You are a late person. You're a stiff. Bereft of life. You rest in peace. If they hadn't nailed you in the coffin, you'd be pushing up daisies! You've brought the curtain down and joined the freaking choir invisible! YOU…ARE AN EX… PERSON!

**"Enoby u were almost shot!11" said Serious. "But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time."**

**"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!**

Who was this character based on?

**"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.**

**"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James.**

**"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."**

**"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11" said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him." **

Well, considering they didn't exist until 20 years after you attended Hogwarts, I can see that.

**Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. **

Why would you spoil the present before you open it?

**Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.**

Oh-ho, no. He hates all students.

**"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.**

**"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." said Profesor Trevolry. **

God, that movie sucked. But Paris Hilton's death scene was kinda satisfying.

**"He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1"**

**I got up suicidally. Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra **

That's gotta be uncomfortable.

**trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u). **

Nah-ho, we get it. You're as slut.

**I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital's wings wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.**

**"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow.**

**"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire.**

It's probably the middle of the movie. There's really no point.

**"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11" said Hermoine. **

I'm still offended by that.

**We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den…..I gasped… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 **

Oh, god, that is all kinds of wrong.

**He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.**

He's cheating on you, does it really matter what he's wearing?

**"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily.**

**"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.**

**"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's.**

**"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out.**

**"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.**

YAY!

**Sincerely,**

**An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P**

**A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains.**

A/N: God, that troll needs to look up "An Hero" and take that definition to heart.


	12. Chapters 41 and 42

A/N: I forgot to mention in the last chapter that the 'You are an ex person' rant is from Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch. It is in no way mine. I wish I was that creative.

So, Chapter 40 is the same as Chapter 39. 100% the same, in fact. So I won't allow you guys to suffer through it again, but I WILL give you the ANs, and then I will review Chapters 41 and 42.

**Chapter 40. LOL! Someone has taken my account over!**

**THE IDIOT'S NOTE: Well... this was in the doc area... might as well let the whole world see what the real Tara wanted to show us... Have a nice day!**

And here's that last one

**Idiot's Note: Ugh... I know... terrible... but then again, this wouldn't be called the 'worst fanfic ever if not for the fact that the writing standards meets the level of a day old fetus...**

A/N: Yes, that was our hero, the anonymous troll. If Raven does exist, I believe the troll is her, because Tara seems like the kind of idiot that would give her password out to someone.

**Chapter 41.**

**AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF! I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is **

Oh, we know who he is. You've said his name and his band name through the whole story.

**ur proly al prepz and pozers!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November **

And they are An Hero.

**and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!111 **

Tom had three cameos in the Order of the Phoenix movie. THREE!

**I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako. **

No, Tom's the best pick. Fun Fact: Tom originally tried out for the role of Harry, and didn't want to play Draco.

**if u flame ill slit muh risztz!11 raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland.**

**When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!11 **

What? She doesn't change for once?

**I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse's office but it looked difrent! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic? at da dizcko or mcr) der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. **

A gothic Beatles calendar? She made up a gothic…Beatles calendar? She had the BALLS to desecrate the image of one of the most revolutionary bands in history? NO! NO! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE! *begins to scream gibberish*

_*20 minutes later*_

I apologize for my outburst. It was childish and immature I just get a little peeved when I see one of the best bands in history being placed on *deep inhale* A GOTHIC CALENDAR, YOU BITCH! I'LL DISINTEGRATE YOU!

*_1 hour later_*

*clears throat* RAPE MUSIC HISTORY, WILL YOU? YOU'LL BE DISINTEGRATED!

**On it said '1980.'**

**"OMFG! Im back in Tim again!111" I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. **

Ew.

**He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!11**

EEWWWW!

**"OMFG Enoby r u ok." He asked gothikally.**

She may be. I'm not. I'm not interested in seeing the outline of a 40 year old Voldemort's snausage through tight denim. Yes, readers. If you have narcolepsy, think of that image and you will be cured…of course, you'll never sleep again, but you won't sleep constantly any more.

**"Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation." I snapped sexily. "OMG am I dedd?" koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame's gun. **

When did Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs make an appearance?

**I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!111**

**I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. **

I'm gonna say this one more time…YOU CAN'T BLEED OUT, YOU…ARE…A…VAMPIRE! Not even the sparkly kind can bleed out.

**I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.**

**"No ur not dead." Satan reassured suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. **

Okay, this is where I would sneeze…and I smoke.

**"Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet. Cum on now lets go c how Hairy's dad is doing."**

How do they know he's Harry's…Y'know what? Never mind.

**I noo dat da real reason I didn't die from da ballet was koz I was from da future. "WTF! James almust shot Luciious!" **

Well, she got his name _close_. AFTER THE ENTIRE STORY!

**I said indigoally. I knew that James had really ben possezzed, **

By what? A ghost? A demon? There are several things you can be possessed by. It's not just evil spirits…oh, wait. She's stupid. Never mind.

**but I didn't want him2 know I knew.**

**"Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress." Satan reasoned evilly.**

**"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. **

Yes, because "The Devil made me do it" is always a defense that holds up well in court for attempted murder.

**Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!11 **

So she has sexuality radar? What was she, a failed prototype of SkyNet?

**He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), **

Just because they were _alive_ in the 80's doesn't mean they were _a band_ in the 80's.

**blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don't 3 u lyk I did yesterday **

I had to Wikipedia search this song because I couldn't understand what the fuck she was saying. The song is I Don't Love You from My Chemical Romance's Black Parade album.

**and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. "Hey." He sed all qwietly and goffically.**

**"Who da fuck is that?" I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.**

You're 20 years in the past, he's gonna be nearly 40 when you get back, then you're gonna call him a pedophile, when that's not true, because you aren't prepubescent.

**"Dis is…Hedwig!11" Sed Volximort. **

Oh, god, I'm gonna be sick. MOMMY, SING SOFT KITTY AND SCRATCH MY HEAD!

**"He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.**

**"Hey Hedwig." I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.**

It's kinda difficult to do that.

**"Lol hi Enoby." **

I'm more creeped out, because he knows her name and she didn't introduce herself.

**He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. **

So Hogwarts has a pet grooming program?

**He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!)**

No, I will not! YouTube existed when you wrote this, meaning you could've Googled top hits of 1985 or whatever year you're in and looked up…the song…on…YouTube…right, stupid, never mind.

**"Bye." I sed all sexily.**

**"Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind but we broke up." Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails.**

**"OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!" **

What the…did you ever stop to consider…Dammit, I'm not used to dealing with idiots like this!

**I said fingering something I didn't know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem? dey kik azz!).**

I don't believe video iPods existed in 2006. Video _MP3 Players_ probably, but not iPods.

**"Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!1" I led them to da Great Hall. "Cum on u guys."**

**Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him.**

Well, can you blame him?

**"Go fuk urself you fukking douche!" he shouted at him. "Drako is never gong 2 b frends with vampire now!1"**

STOP INTERFERING WITH TIME AND SPACE!

**"Yah go fuck urself Samaro!" Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.**

**"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him! **

Funny thing is, you seem to want to, and that's not good.

**Now Vampire's dad wood never die and **

0.0 She got something in canon right? I don't see zombies outside. Is the apocalypse upon us?

**"OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out." I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.**

I don't know about in the UK, but in the US she can go to jail with possession of child pornography because of this. Though, from what I've heard, in England 17 is legal age, but I don't know.

**"Kool." said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. **

Yeah. By US standards this has crossed the line into child porn.

**Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi.**

**"Oh my fukking god! Voldimort! Voldimort!" screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort's.**

Oh, god. That's the image I always wanted. Voldemort doing it with a bird/human hybrid that was created in a sick science experiment.

**But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame…Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!111111111111**

**Chapter 42. da blak parade**

**AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111 **

Even though the books had been spoiled by my friends before I could read them, I knew Snape hated Harry because he loved Lily and she banged James instead. Also, Dumbledore is one of the most brilliant men in the Wizarding world, ergo HE WOULD'VE KNOWN VOLDIE WAS EMPLOYED AT THE SCHOOL!

**nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!111 **

…She got it right? *looks out window* Yeah, I think I see those zombies now.

**omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? **

Harry belongs with Ginny, and ONLY Ginny. Just like Ron belongs to 'Mione and only 'Mione. And George belongs to me and ONLY me.

**If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111 **

How is she homophobic if she doesn't make a straight male suddenly become homosexual?

**fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111**

**I sat depressedly in Dumbledork's office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. **

He disciplines you and your friends for making a sex tape in the Great Hall during class, and he's _cruel_?

**He looked more young den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song.**

Dumbledore's a brilliant man, but how does he know how to work an iPod when they hadn't been invented?

**"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time.**

Then how does he know how to work it?

**"Whatever u do don't blame Ibony, u jerk." Satan said.**

**"Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together." Serious said deviantly.**

By making them have sex in the Great Hall? Yes, that's getting them TOGETHER, but I would thing a relationship repair would be nice before jumping to putting Peg A in Slot C.

**"Be quiet you Satanists." Dumbledore cockled. **

I know I shouldn't be laughing at that, but that typo is still pretty fuckin' hilarious.

**"If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall." He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n'Sync song. **

Hey, those guys are my childhood. You already messed with one nostalgic thing, but if you mess with one more, you've had it!

**Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn't notece.**

Regardless of whether he was holding it, or it was on his desk, or in an iHome (which she probably brought with her), I'd notice a teeny-tiny iPod changing form.

**"You fucking poser." I muttoned.**

**"I bet you've never herd of GC." James said. **

The f-THEY HADN'T BEEN FORMED YET!

**Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11**

Well of c-wait, huh?

**"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted.**

-.- Forgot his name, huh?

**"Yeah shut up!" Snake said preppily.**

I swear, when I hear "Snake said preppily", I'm getting the image of Snape shuffling forward in a kimono, holding a fan, singing in a high pitched voice:

Three little maids from school are we

Pert as a school-girl well can be

Filled to the brim with girlish glee

Three little maids from school

**"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom.**

I'm officially confused.

**"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously.**

I had enough of this story after the first sentence.

**Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! **

Raven gave up, huh?

**I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was…..Satan.**

**"You dunderheads!1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.**

I'll get you next time Gadget!

**I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Satan. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. **

Um…She had time to change?

**My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.**

**"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in an emo voice.**

It's the Slytherin common room. I doubt it's changed much…Bazinga!

**"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me **

Then it wasn't his.

**wuz really also a tim machine." I told him.**

**"Kool what's an ipatch?" he whimpered.**

*giggle* It's so adorable how naive people from the future are.

**"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." I yakked.**

**"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" he esked in his sexah voice.**

…Was she stumped on a crossword puzzle and decided to incorporate the question into the story?

**"Um I guezz sand?" I laid confuesdly.**

It's soil, dumbass! A 3rd grader could do better! Though given how well your sex scenes are described, you _are_ a 3rd grader.

**"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon." He triumphently giggled.**

You ask…was she making a reference to Half-Blood Prince? If she was, I will gut her like a fish.

**Suddenly some of my friends walked in.**

**"OMG you're fucking alive!" said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.**

After all of this, I'm wondering why, myself.

**"Konichiwa, bitch." said Willow. **

STOP BUTCHERING ONE OF THE BEST LANGUAGES ON THE PLANET!

**She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.**

**"Hey, motherfucker." Said Diabolo with his red hair. **

This just may be me, but I would _never _stand for a friend calling me that…then again, I have _some_ dignity.

**He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.**

If you're going to say that he's wearing a band shirt, don't abbreviate the band name. It's unlikely, but some people may have never heard of some of these bands.

**"Hey whose that, Ibony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.**

**"Oh its Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.**

Because that's not alarming whatsoever.

**Suddenly Satan started to cry.**

DOES EVERYONE HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER IN THIS UNIVERSE?

**"Are you okay Satan?" we asked concernedly.**

**"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked.**

She liked you before…She should be worried about _you_ not liking her…Then again, she'll hop on anything that's "gothic" and has a wang, so go for it.

**"No I still like you." I said sexily to him.**

See? Told ya.

**"Ok." He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod **

Wouldn't he be kind of fascinated of what it is?

**while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. **

Not that I care, but for the sake of masochism, those things are what, exactly?

**I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. **

I picture a gothic poser with an IQ lower than that of a spoon pointing at a desecrated Ron Weasley and proceeding to make the movements of a mentally challenged bastard child of a gorilla and a dolphin attempting sign language.

**Satan fell asleep. **

Jeeze, did you slip him a sleeping potion?

**I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!1111 She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.**

**"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 How did Snap get back here! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan." I asked sadly.**

What? When?

**"Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vrompire. **

-.- Then why the fuck did she ask the last 2 times she woke up from being blacked out if she couldn't die?

**Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student." Trevolry said reassuredly.**

She doesn't like this Britney girl, does she?

**"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep.**

Nope. I'm getting a vibe of dislike here.

**"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly.**

**"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum he was doing it with Snap?"**

**"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself." she said.**

She…can't…die! I would think this would've come up at some point during the relationship. Possibly during coitus. Ebony seems like the type of idiot that would say "Oh, Draco! Oh, Draco! Oh, did I mention I can't die? Oh, Satan Draco!"

**"OMG dat's terrible!" I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said "Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!" wiv dat I ran out.**

**"Good luck Tara!11" everyone cried.**

She can't be serious.

**I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. **

So…her slutty=bad and your slutty=good? Slutty=bad period.

**She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.**

Back when this was written, they both wore some pretty cute clothes.

**"You fucking bitch!111" I shouted angrily.**

**"No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" she laughed.**

**"Crucious!1" I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.**

**"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Britney screamed terrifiedly.**

I know I should be rooting for Britney…but for saying that "Like totally" about 2 sentences up just threw that out the window. Now, I just hope Ebony kills Britney, trips over her own stupidity, falls down the stairs and on to rather large razor blade so it decapitates her, then all of the cannon characters are freed from this terrible story and lights fire to her corpse and it emits a purple smoke, so we know she's gone…then they can go after Edward Cullen and no one else from the Twilight series, because anyone is better than Edward…except maybe Jessica and Lauren.

**I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. **

Goddamn, you are an idiot, aren't you?

**Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. **

When did you take it?

**When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" I yielded.**

**We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow. **

Apple has come out with a lot of shit for iPod in their day, but iShadow is something I doubt they'd release.

**His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!1)"I wus so worried you died!" moaned Vampire.**

What part of "she can't die" do you idiots not understand?

**"I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me."**

**"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously.**

**"Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?" Vampir snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.**

Well, that's a bit harsh.

**"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY.**

**"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily.**

He's your mindless slave?

**"OK." I argreed. Suddenly….all da lights in da room went out. And den….da Dork Mark appeared.**

**"Oh my fucking satan!" Harry shouted.**

**"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. **

Well, you brought him back from the past, so duuuuhhhh!

**"Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 I guess we shood separate."**

**"Ok." Vampire sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.**

A/N: So, that's it for this installment. Next chapter is the final chapter. *tear* In want to prolong it for as long as possible, but for you guys, I won't. I'll be sure to put up an announcement after the next chapter.


	13. Chapters 43 and 44

A/N: Well, kids, it's been fun. These are the last 2 chapters Tara wrote before she disappeared forever, never to be heard from again, thus my last chapter of The Flaming of My Immortal. I'm gonna miss you guys, but I will be posting an Announcement chapter.

**Chapter 43.**

**AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers **

I am not German. Well, I might be. Okay, to my knowledge I am not German. I am Canadian and British and was raised in the South Eastern United States.

**if u flamed sis story den u suk!111111 **

I'm tempted to make a comment, but I don't want to gross you poor people out.

**if u flam den fukk u!111**

**I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. Draco was there! He sat der in deddly bloom **

So Draco's a poisonous flower and it's spring time?

**in his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!111 **

Oh Noes! Because we've never seen this before!

**I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape but I felt sorry for him. **

…Why?

**He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face.**

So, because he's hot, you're going to forgive him? Shallow bitch.

**"Draco are you okay?" I asked.**

**"I'm not okay." he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. **

Why?

**I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.**

**"Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?" I asked teardully.**

**"I-" Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room! They didn't see us.**

What the- The Great Hall huge and you are the only two in there!

**"Im so glad we me and Snape were freed." said Loopin.**

**"Dam, this job would be great if it wasn't 4 da fukking students!" Mr. Norris argreed.**

That's...in character. Kind of.

**"Pop addelum!111" I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.**

What the… what was she trying to cast?

**"Noooooooo!1" Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away.**

**"You fukking perv." I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. **

Wow. Depression AND evilness in the voice simultaneously. That's quite the feat.

**"Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I'm gong 2 torture u!"**

**"I don't now where he is!1111" said Loopin. Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn't know who Satan was really.**

**"Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!1" Vampire said. I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 **

She said that already.

**on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, **

Again, she said that already.

**Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero **

Not hot, in my opinion.

**and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then.**

Now, _he_ is a hottie.

**I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. **

And what did the caramel have to do with…oh, gross.

**Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. **

Because women can't shoot. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.

**"Oh mi satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. **

So he has 2 penises? Ah-mazing.

**I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. **

I just had se-e-ex! And it felt so good!

A woman let me put my penis inside her!

**"OMS!111" cried Vampire. "Oh Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. "Oh Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasore. **

Have you ever had sex? I have, it felt great. It felt so good when I did it with my penis.

**Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. Suddenly…..**

…**.a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!11**

Snap was never the same after he started to constantly hear to Rice Krispies sounds in his head. This was the result of Crackle and Pop loosening the straightjacket. I'm glad to say that they learned their lesson.

**Chapter 44.**

**AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!111 **

Umm…you're about 14 years too late. The glam rock fashion went out about the time the 90's started.

**if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!1111 **

He's not really emo in Order of the Pheonix. He's not really even emo in Half-Blood Prince either.

**omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait! **

Yeah, a lot of people were happy to get rid of George W. Bush, too.

**Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.**

**"Dat's mi car!" shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz….Snape!**

**"I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads." he said**

Really? Dunderheads was her worst insult? Wow.

**cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. **

Pppphht! HAHAHAHA!

**"Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!"**

**"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sexx him but he's a ropeist!"**

Okay! Stop! To far! Sensitive subject! Pull it back some.

**We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. **

There we go. Back to the idiocy we're used to.

And why is the man still nakie?

**We were so scarred!1 But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into… Voldemont!111**

Well yeah. He IS Voldemort. But my question is WHY DID HE TRANSFORM IN A SIMILAR FASHION AS THE FUCKING HULK? Does it only happen when he gets mad? Can he do it at any time? Explain, Tara! EXPLAAIIIINN!

**"I knew who thou were all along." he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. "Now I shall kill thee all!" Thunder came in da room.**

Never thought I'd like Voldemor. Well, not outside of A Very Potter Musical.

**"No plz don't kill us!" pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B'loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.**

Why do I get the feeling she just discovered Fred and George?

**"What is da meaning of dis?" Dumblydore asked all angrily **

We all want to know, Dumbles. Trust me.

**and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) **

Well, she…kinda got it right.

**He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. **

"Accio"? S'not that hard to remember. I mean, anyone who's read the…oh. Right.

**Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.**

**"Oh my goth!" Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)**

*facedesk*

*facedesk*

*facedesk*

*facedesk*

**"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated menacingly.**

0.0 …WHAT? How do you ejaculate in a menacing manner? And WHY was he ejaculating to start with?

**"You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.**

**"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!" screamed Harry **

'I know a four letter word for dirt' is quite possibly the best war cry ever. It's so stupid, it is awesome.

**but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. **

I read that, and thought it said ear, and I nearly turned on the Benny Hill Theme.

**It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.**

**"Oh my fucking god!1" I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with**

**"If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton." He laughed meanly.**

Paris Hilton is gothic? Looks like someone divided by zero.

**"No!" I scremed. "FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!11"**

**"Whats she talking abott?" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.**

You already know, dumbass. You're the one that asked for condoms.

**"I saw 2 she's gunna show evry1 da picter!111" Harry shouted angrily.**

**"Shut up!111'" Lumpkin roared.**

**"Foolish ignoramuses!" yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon."**

I need to dye my hair again. Thanks for the reminder, Tara.

**"Think again you fucking muggle poser!1" Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.**

**"U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!111" I shouted despariedrly.**

I…don't know how to make a joke of that.

**"Acco Nevel's wand!11" cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil's wind was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!11111"**

**He maid lighting come all over da place.**

**"Save us Ebony!" Dumbledark cried.**

No, I'm going with Voldemort on this one.

**I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco **

She must be one of those people who plans every single day out the night before. It'd be fun to see her checklist.

**but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.**

**"ABRA KEDABRA!11111" I shooted.**

So, that is My Immortal. I'm actually kind of pissed she never finished. I would've liked to review all of it as Tara had intended. But, I digress. Oh, and I've been wanting to do that Lonely Island joke for a while.


	14. Announcement

God, it's like high school graduation all over again. I'm gonna miss this, guys.

I'd like to say I WILL be doing another of these. I won't say what it is, but I'll tell you guys that it's a Twilight fanfic, so look for that. I'll be putting that up when I put up the bonus chapter. (Yes, there will be a bonus chapter.)

I wanted to do a fic called 'Helena' that was written by GothGurl4Eva, but it was deleted and I can't find a repost, but I think I've found at least 2 fanfics I will flame after the Twilight one.

I'm still accepting flaming recommendations.

But, until then, folks, it's been fun to suffer with all of you. Live long and prosper, and may the Force (and Schwartz) be with you all.


	15. Bonus Chapter

For being such great fans, I'm giving you guys a bonus chapter! I'm flaming Tara's bio! PS: It was last updated December 21, 2009.

**EVRY1 C NEW MOON!1 **

Oh, god, she's discovered Twilight!

**i will try 2 post a new fanfik maybe derring da summer **

Please do. I'm sure my readers would love me to flame another fanfic of yours.

**but i probebly wont koz all od u r such idiotz. **

Really? Because, the last time I checked, I could read.

**u hakked mi account and u flamed mi story. **

I did not!

**fuk da world!1 fuk all of u bichez!1**

**Im Tara. Im a Stanistr and if u dont lik me cos of dat den FUK OFF!. **

Why would you hate someone because of their religion?

**if ur a prep or a pozr den fuk off 2 koz ur gay! here r sum fingz u shud no abot me.**

You're illiterate. We know that much.

**likez: gothz, being goffik, satan, punkz, da coler black, bloood, ma bf Justin, **

So he DOES exist

**rok muzik, suicide, vampires, joel madden, edard kullen!**

She likes the vampire that sparkles. Oh yeah, she's SOOOOO gothic.

**dislikez: prepz, posers, pink, being alive, **

Allow me to quote Twilight for you: "- Life sucks, and then you die.  
Yeah, I should be so lucky."

**homophobez, **

Yet you just said earlier that preps and posers are "gay". In this day and age, it's considered a homophobic slur.

**skool, life, barbie, flamerz**

**Fave muzik: GC, MCR, Evinezenz, **

Yes, because we didn't gather that much from you stories

**Linin prak, BLINK183, **

Blink183? Really?

**mraliyn manson, panik at da desko, **

Because poor literacy is KEWL!

**goofik bandz, paramor!1**

I would say Paramore is more punk.

**lest faveorite musik: ASHLEEE SIMPSON britney spearz, hilery duff, linzee lohan ALL POP**

I listen to all of those. (Minus Lindsay Lohan. I only have 2 songs by her on my iPod. Yet, Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father) seems like a son Tara would listen to.)

**Fav movies: cropse bride, mean gurlz, **

She hates Lindsay Lohan, yet loves that movie?

**van helsing, any odder horror moviw, nightmare b4 christmas, da ring, da ring 2, da grudg 2, saw2 and saw 3, **

Anyone who likes Saw knows what I mean when I say that this proves she's a liar. Saw II sucked! (But at least it's better than Saw IV)

**da omen, scary movie 4, **

I don't think she realizes that Scary Movie 4 isn't really a horror film.

**cursed, TWILITE, NEW MOON**

**if ur not a gottik den fuk u!**

So, that's it.

You see my Username up at the top there? If you click on it, it'll take you to my next flaming! It may be a Twilight fanfic, but if you like my flaming of this, you'll probably like my flaming of that fic, too. It'll be called The Flaming of… (Yep, that's right. I'm still not telling.)


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